I haven't cut in months... and I had a tattoo over most of my arm to discourage me from being tempted to start again when things got rough...

I was really trying hard to get out of this hole I'm in, but nothing ever seems to change, and it doesn't seem to matter anymore.

I'm desperately trying to cling on to therapy, the one place I really thought I found acceptance, but I'm fighting the urge to shut down and quit - because is it really worth it?

I just want to feel some relief.

[TheWell]

What's going on in therapy that you want to shut down?

Thanks for the hugs and support, I really appreciate it. I had a rupture with my T and I took it badly.. abandonment issues... I'm at a place right now where I'm finding it really hard to see where I fit into everything, you know? And I do tend to self isolate... I feel very emotionally raw, and I've been shutting down all over the place because I'm getting triggered, feelings that I'm alone/rejected, etc, and every time I try and think my way out of it and 'put myself out there' again it feels like someone slaps me back down - stuff that probably shouldn't matter, but I can't help but take it to heart - because things just seem to keep confirming my worst fears about myself. I seem to be going through another dip with my depression... I don't know. Everything just seems so bleak. So difficult. And it all seems SO much effort to keep trudging on, and therapy has been the one thing that's been keeping me going, that I'd been pinning all my hope onto... and I've tried so hard... and suddenly it looked like that was shot to heck, still might be, I'm not sure... I've had two really bad days and been shaken to the core by the whole thing... and so... my thoughts took a dark turn. I've managed to hold out so far, and I'm hoping the worst is over.. I just need to hang in there until session, and hope my T will be able to reassure me, 'fix' it... restore a little hope...