[TheLokiWolf]

thats it. im spitting the dummy. i cant stand this crap anymore.

im so fed up with my housemates. and their just.... ARGH!!!!!!

what the hell did i do to make everyone hate me so much?! its not at all fair! im sick of feeling like everything is my fault. i already know my life is my fault!!! I DONT NEED 3 PEOPLE GANGING UP ON ME TELLING ME! and whats the worst part? i dont get to escape. because i live with them. 24hrs of their crap. WHY?! i cant do this anymore! im sick of writing letters to my therapist telling her im at breaking point. Im struggling so much with how im feeling 18months after my friend passed. and i just dont know anymore!!! i have to turn off all of my feelings to make other people feel better. and for what. so they can be total jerks to my face as well as behind my back. And its just a leader and her two minions who are giving me HELL. i just cant take it anymore. im sick of people brushing me off like im nothing. i already feel like nothing. i want to tell my therapist how bad ive become...but shed have to send me to the ED and i hate the GP's and that there. they always make me feel like total crrap. Expect me to tell them my life story when i only just met them. im sick of being trapped in this black hole! i just want all the pain to go away. i keep harming and harming ad harming and the relief i get after is becoming shorter. im scared out of my mind. these people were ment to be my friends. i dont have that many and now...well....i just dont know anymore. im desperate for my therapist to help....and she keeps asking me what i need from her....and i cant answer her. i have no idea what i want. everytime i try to look inwards i just see a mess of disconnected thoughts. i dont want to be trapped in the void anymore.

when will i stop hurting?

[puzzclar]

I wish I had an answer, but I can say I do understand (to a point). I live with my sister, and she does the same thing that your friends do. Like this morning, the good bread had 3 slices left, I used 2, and she comes in and says "How do I make a sandwich with frozen bread?" Like it's my fault she can't figure that out... using the bread was my fault but I got up first.... and she blames it on me.

People don't realize what they are doing and they want to blame us, the ones with the problems.....

when will you stop hurting? that's a question I can't answer, but I can say I understand with one person....Let out all of the frustration here. who knows it may just help you.

[Sannah]

Hi Black, I'm sorry that you are in distress. I hope that you can talk to your T soon about what happened with the roommates. If you want to keep posting I will listen.

[TheLokiWolf]

thanks for you replies. im just in such a bad place right now. its so hard to see a light when the people you live with go out of their way to take it away from you. Im so tired of feeling trapped. im sick of running myself into the ground and getting nothing back. and its killing me. and i feel so sorry for my therapist in all this. she cops everything and i wish it didnt happen but it does. and i dont know how much longer i can go on with this. I just wish all the hurting would stop. i just dont know anymore. I think ill tell my therapist thursday. and pray she doesnt ship me off to the ED. I dont understand all their pettiness. theyre accusations are just unfair. and they antagonise me somthing chronic. and i cant say anything. its just hard. and on top of that, my mum was just in hospital, im unemployed, and im struggling with my friend's passing. its just like....give me a break. and thats just been my past week. its so hard.

[puzzclar]

is there anything that you can do to try and bring some sort of good feeling... like watching a movie, reading a book. Really anything that would be good for you at this difficult time.