[StrangeOutOfContext]

My name's Raven, I'm bipolar, hear voices, among other things.

I've been in recovery (MH recovery) for almost 5 years (I'm 27).

I'm the Peer Support Counselor Coordinator at a local non profit.

Supposedly the person I should be going for help...is me.

So, here I am, looking for....I'm not really sure. Ha.

Well, I haven't cut in over 4 years, until 3 weeks ago. And now I'm cutting every day. And I know all the things to do instead of; and I know all the negative thoughts in my brain...are just my brain. And I've tried harm-reduction, cutting every other day, not everyday, didn't happen.

And my entire career is based on my recovery, and my life experiences, and my ability to help the hardest of cases. Which means, that I work within the county MH system, and even though I feel the need to go to the ER and get 5150'd....I can't. Because then my relationships I've built up since I was 16, and just starting to counsel other abused kids, will have been shattered.

Because then I'm a "client" and not a "provider". Even though I hate those labels, its real if I want to continue in this field, at least for now.

....

I'm sorry about the ramble. I see my psych, or "pdoc" next week. I just don't want to fall any further down the hole.

[Sannah]

You can be a helper and a provider. Many providers have their own therapists. Self care is really important for providers. Are you getting triggered in your work?

[StrangeOutOfContext]

No, my work is really where I can put myself out of the picture. So I love working. And I do have my own psych, she's a combo, so I'll her next week.

It's just that, I'm changing my meds and my brain is not doing well. I go into these dissociative states, and then I cut. So I cut before that can happen, if that makes sense.