[Silent_Tears_17]

I just dont understand. SO many people here have had such horrible trauma and because of it they cut. I have had what most would call a perfect life. I cant cope with any emotional pain. A sad episode of Grey's Anatomy will make be literally feel suicidal It is so stupid. And I cut for everything and anything. And there is no good reason for me to feel like this. Why am I so weak? Why do I do this to my family... the money it costs them and the pain and I just feel so stupid for it all. And I dont know why I am like this.

[Sam2]

Originally Posted by Silent_Tears_17

I just dont understand. SO many people here have had such horrible trauma and because of it they cut. I have had what most would call a perfect life. I cant cope with any emotional pain. A sad episode of Grey's Anatomy will make be literally feel suicidal It is so stupid. And I cut for everything and anything. And there is no good reason for me to feel like this. Why am I so weak? Why do I do this to my family... the money it costs them and the pain and I just feel so stupid for it all. And I dont know why I am like this.

Depression doesn't care if you come from a perfect family or one that is falling apart. There isn't always a reason for depression. Sometimes it is caused by an imbalance in brain chemicals.

Just because something sets you off easily doesn't mean you are weak. If I am driving, I know better than to turn on the radio, because if I do and a song that reminds me of something (which is most of them), I either get seriously depressed and spend hours driving aimlessly around, or have to use all my strength to keep myself from turning my car into a tree.

People have different triggers. The best thing that you can do for yourself and your family is seek help. There are several medications on the market now that can help you through the rough spots if you need it. Sometimes its just a matter of figuring out what is bothering you and no medications are needed. Because we are so good as a species as denial and hiding the things that hurt us most, both from others and ourselves, a second party is helpful. Let your family know that you need help and see if they can help you track down a good therapist. There are also therapists that help families of people who are suffering.

The last thing you need is to blame yourself or punish yourself by cutting. Cutting is a coping mechanism, just not a very good one. The sooner you learn what is bothering you underneath, the sooner you can develop a more appropriate coping mechanism. Its not easy, but in the long run, it will save you and your family a lot of pain.

Sam2

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Silent_Tears_17

I have 2 jobs back here at home and then I help my Mom with my little siblings and christmas prep. Ive been working my jobs and then before/after I help at home. I get up early and go to bed late and put in at least 4 or more hours of housework a day. But no matter what I still forget something or do something wrong... and I try so hard... and I dont want her to be mad. I just want her to love me.

And my anxiety is through the roof,

I make mistake... but I really dont do it on purpose. And I feel so bad... but she dosnt believe me when I apologize. And she never thanks me for all the work I do.

Originally Posted by Silent_Tears_17

my Mom has all the signs of OCD.
Its hard to be around her because no matter what you do it isnt enough and you try hard but you never get it right. She freaks out about not being in control and so she homeschools us and has 5 kids plus then she has all these jobs because she cant let anything go and she freaks out about someone else being in charge.

This is why. Your mom makes me angry.

[Silent_Tears_17]

Thanks Sannah. Ive been blocking as many memories from the past that I can. And I start to forget and the I wonder why Im sad. Thank you for pulling those quotes up for me. I really appreciate it.