[GirlOfManyFaces]

I am a 14 year old freshman girl. In this past year my whole life has fallen apart. My sister moved away to college, my parts fighting increase, I became addicted to cutting, I have tried to kill myself 5 or so times, I got in a bad relationship with a 17 year old boy, I questioned my sexuality, I became depressed, I started to become detach from the world, my grades dropped, my friends left, I was raped, and so much more.

Bad thing #1
I was raped by my ex boyfriend about two months ago. My memory disorder caused me to not remember the incident. But recently a rumor started that I was pregnant. I was suspended from my school for two weeks. Which made me remember what had happened. I don't want to remember, but the police are forcing the memories on me. (I am not pregnant) I'm a little traumatized be the incident.

Bad thing #2
In December of 2011 I started cutting. I increasingly cut more often. By the time May 2012 rolled around I was addicted to it. I couldn't stop. I didn't stop until July 2012. It's not January 2013 and I still REALLY want to cut. It gets so bad sometime that my wrists burn. They tingle and pulse making me want to slit them even more. I don't think I can resist it any more. No form of coping helps. What should I do?

Bad thing #3
I am afraid that I have some sort of mental illness. I see things that aren't there. And hear things that are there. I talk to people who don't exist. I have full on conversations with people that aren't real. Sometimes I can't remember last week even happening. I have nightmares, almost to the point of being night terrors. I sometimes don't even sleep at all. (Doesn't help being afraid of the dark) I have depression and two COMPLETELY different personalities. One is afraid of everything. She can smile at birds chirping in a tree. The other says she is fearless. She gets mad at everyone and everything. She never smiles. She hates everyone. Help! I don't know what to do!

Bad thing #4
All of my friends heard I was pregnant and now they won't talk to me. (Not pregnant) I am completely alone. The only people I have to talk to are in my head or on the computer.
I tried talking to my mother about all this. But she has a short temper and started yelling at me before I could finish. Now I'm afraid to say anything. Talking to my dad is not an option. And my sister is not an option either. So I am truly alone.

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With all this and more on my shoulders I can't bare life. I don't know what to do. I am very desperate for any advice. I'll take what I can get.

Please don't judge me.

[Sam2]

There are so many things going on in your life that you need someone trained in pschology or psychiatry to fit the peices together.

Mental illness is no different than a physical illness. Just as you shouldn't be embarrassed by having the flu, you shouldn't be embarrassed by having an emotional or pschiatric problem. There is an expectation of privacy when you talk to either a psychologist or psychologist. Unless you are in imminent danger of hurting yourself, what you talk about can be between you and the therapist. At 14, you will probably need some consent if there are any medications involved.

Most schools have counsellors, which again, should not tell your classmates what is going on. That part is up to you. One of my good friends had a bipolar crisis in highschool, and as far as I know, no one else knew about it.

You may only have one specific diagnosis with the other problems symptoms of that one problem. Don't be afraid to get help. If you are the one to ask for help, you will have more control over what happens. If your pain continues, sooner or later, someone will notice and then you won't have as much control.
The friend that I told you about was given medication by his psychiatrist, and between that and the talk therapy, he was able to stabalize his symptoms. There are a lot of different, newer medications out there now that have fewer side effects.

Regardless of what started it, you are obviously in a lot of emotional pain and scared. If your parents won't listen, go to a teacher. You don't want to keep feeling like this. Being in control of your life will make you feel better. The fact that you were able to stop yourself from cutting again says that you are a strong person even though you might not feel like that. I wish I could tell you what was the major problem and how to fix it, but you really do need someone with training. You can come here for support and to vent, but no one here can diagnose you or give you medication. You have been through a lot, and you have many years of life ahead of you. They can be good years.

Sam2

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Thank you. I am very scared. Mostly of myself. But I literally have no one. I don't have a school right now. So no teachers or friends. I know it's my fault all this is happening, I just don't know what I did wrong.

Sam2, do you know anything to help someone cope with self harm? Everything I do makes it worse. (My triggers are anything quiet or "calming")

[ickydog2006]

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...35#post2711635

[Sannah]

Girl, you need help ASAP. Are you still talking to the police? You can tell them that you need help. Do you have a doctor? When do you go back to school? We can support you here.

Do you have a close family friend you can speak with or a clergyperson? You need to speak with an adult right away. Go to the closest ER and tell them you need help. Also, please call the Rape Crisis Center so you can speak with someone right now. You are not alone. This is not your fault.

1 800 656 4673 (this is this national hotline. They are there 24/7. RAINN) they will help you if you just give them a chance.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Girl, you need help ASAP. Are you still talking to the police? You can tell them that you need help. Do you have a doctor? When do you go back to school? We can support you here.

Other than this morning when the came to my house. No...(my father beat me this morning... I'm okay)
But my ex was charged with rape of a minor.
I don't have a doctor.
I go back to school maybe in two weeks. Depends when I can enroll.
And thank you for your support

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

Do you have a close family friend you can speak with or a clergyperson? You need to speak with an adult right away. Go to the closest ER and tell them you need help. Also, please call the Rape Crisis Center so you can speak with someone right now. You are not alone. This is not your fault.

1 800 656 4673 (this is this national hotline. They are there 24/7. RAINN) they will help you if you just give them a chance.

No I don't have anybody.
I'm not aloud to make a big deal out of anything.
I will get in trouble with my parents if I tell.
It is my fault. And it will be my fault when it gets worse

[Sannah]

If your father beats you, you can call child protection.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by Sannah

If your father beats you, you can call child protection.

haha yeaaah... thats funny.
No, i actually cant.
the ONLY thing i can do is try to help myself. im not aloud to tell anyone aout anything (other than semi-anonymously online)

[Sannah]

Telling child protection is helping yourself. Your parents made this rule that you can't tell anyone about the abuse? This is definitely a rule that needs to be broken. We have laws that parents cannot abuse their children and he is breaking this law. If he is breaking a law, you can break a rule. (A rule that is immoral BTW).

[GirlOfManyFaces]

But that would separate my family. And make things worse. I just try to stay away from him. I can't tell CPS no matter how much I want to. It would make things worse with him. He would get more mad.

[Sannah]

You need to be protected and the state can protect you from your dad. Does his beatings ever leave bruises or injuries?

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Not so far. Nothing you can see. But I feel a little bruised afterwards sometimes. It doesn't last long though. It's mostly emotional scars...