[DevilsMatrix]

The cutting... I have tried to stop. I have bipolar... and it bepends on my mood swings, but my longest record is about 3 months without a cut. Recently I've had alot of family issues, which has led to alot of cuts. In the middle of all of this, I was asked out by this guy, who I didn't really know, but said yes to anyway. [I ws on a high]. I found out after one nihgt we met up, that he cut aswell. He found out when we started finding my cutts/scars. AT first, he was very sweet about it, and told me they were battle scars, and they showd that I had survived despite it all. He kissed them and said they didn't matter, and no matter what he always found my new cuts, and demanded to know what was wrong.
At first it was amazing. I felt he understood.
Then we had a fight... about a friend, who he was being unreasonable mean to. She was my best friend, I wouldn't stand for it.

He dumped me a few days later, but we stayed very close. Now, whenever he sees a cut he takes me into the next room and interogates me until I fess up as to 'why'. He then tells me to 'F*****G man up', and tells me how ugly they look, and thats why I should stop. The first time he said this, I felt so horrible... I wouldn't leave me room without a long sleeves shirt, and I screamed whenever someone touched me.

I got used to it.

Then he used to make me come out at night to meet him. Every now and then he'd get me to show him the cuts. He started saying that they were only small, and not life threatening, so it wasn't important. He told me I was over-reacting, and that because they weren't very deep, that my issues or problems must be unimportant, and to never complain.
Maybe it was this that hurt most of all.

I haven't spoken to him in a while, but I haven't stopped yet. They criss-cross my stomach/ribs, and It hurts when I move. Some nights, I stab at myself with the scalpel, as if I'm trying to make them so deep that they might mean something.

The strangest things go through my head at these times.
If you were bothered to read this, I'd like to know how to deal with this, and if anything similar has happened to you...?

[Bark]

I can't say that I know what it's like, but I can imagine how hurtful that would be. He went from understanding to aggressive to unconcerned. It sounds like he was the perfect person at first, but then showed his true colours.

I can't tell you what to do, but I think the best thing would be to stop speaking to him. He makes you feel worse, might actually make you cut more....

Every cut means something. Each one has its story.

Could you confide in your best friend? I think it would help.

[Sannah]

When I started reading your post about this guy, at the very beginning I was thinking to myself that this guy is going to be trouble. My first clue was that he cut himself. There are reliable people who cut themselves but then there are also some people who are really a mess who cut themselves. It is a red flag to watch out to see which group a person falls into.

[volatile]

Do not listen to him. He was only saying those things to make himself feel bigger and better than you. He was only hurting you and abusing you for his own sick satisfaction. Those things he said were not true. Please stop believing them.

[AngelWolf3]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I have not had someone in my life like that in a long time. But it is very scary when someone changes like that, one second everything's fine, and you are loved and the next that person hates you or thinks you are stupid, etc.

All I can say is continue to distance yourself from him. (easier said than done, I know this too...) I hope that things get better for you and I wish I had more advice, I just wanted you to know I read your post and empathize with you. Feel free to PM if you wish...(I am usually on M-F in "bankers Hours" EST)

[Nomad17]

I agree with what everyone here has said, you need to distance yourself because he is not helping the situation. Hang out with your other friends and DON'T BE ALONE WITH HIM. Just avoid him. I've had a slightly similar experience, but it was with some friends. We were all best friends and I told them about my cutting one day when I accidentally bled through my shirt. At first, they were great, but then I learned that they were talking about me behind my back, making fun of me, and lying about their plans to hang out so I couldn't come. We ended up fighting and things got really out of control, and it just made things worse to worry about it. I hate it, but there are people who can and will hurt us because of what we do, things we can't control. But remember that's what cutting is-its WHAT YOU DO-its not who you are and it doesn't define you. Don't take his actions personally. He's obviously unstable and insecure. It's HIS problem.

I'm sorry this happened. Focus on the people you love and who love you. Those are the ones who really matter. Forget the rest.

Nomad

[DevilsMatrix]

Thankyou, everyone, for your generous and inspiring replies. =] I was slightly worried about posting this, I've never been one to come off as 'complaining', and dispite some of you not having experienced the situation first hand, I'm so glad you can empathise/advise. I will definately try and distance myself from him, he causes more hurt than happiness recently. I never thought, at the time, that the fact he cuts himself would be a bad sign, I just thought that he might be someone to understand. I guess everyone learns from they're mistakes, right? Thankyou so much, everyone

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Message me. It's soooo much like what happened to me. I would love to talk sometime!

[Bmee2]

Wow!

so very sorry. i am glad there are those here that really can relate to you. i do not completely understand i just am sad about your pain. May it lessen and you find another way to release those painful feelings that is a bit kinder to the body as a whole.

[DevilsMatrix]

Thankyou so much for your kind thoughts. I am working on better methods, but weather they are kinder to the body I am not yet sure. =]