[Rainbow_fishB]

My friend has been self harming for a couple of years now. She takes regular overdoses (she has like a handful of tablets with each meal), and often attempts suicide and goes to hospital. She eats nothing, and she's fainted a few times recently because of that. She also cuts a lot, and when she has flashbacks, she scratches the whole of her chest and neck red raw. I don't know how to help her anymore. Me and my friends are trying so hard, but she keeps finding excuses for her behaviour, she refuses to accept the help that doctors, teachers and everyone else has offered her and it kind of feels like we're now waiting for her to die. It's horrible going to school each day knowing that she might be gone. She's only 14 and she's destroying her life. One of my other friends found her a few weeks ago after taking nearly 50 tablets and had to be there to make her throw them up and go to hospital. She was also there when the self harming friend passed out two days ago, and she stated that 'D... won't make it to 30, assuming that she doesn't succeed in suicide before then'. What can i do? I want to help her but the stress is making another of my friends suicidal and she's so stubborn she wont accept any help. She doesn't seem to care about us anymore as she has cut herself/ taken drugs infront of us when we cant stop her so its like she is punishing us and i dont knwo what to do.

[mazing]

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. I can't imagine how hard it is for you and your group of friends. Unfortunately I am not sure there is much that you can do except be there for her. Let her know how you feel and that you are around if she wants to talk or needs a shoulder to lean on. Ultimately she is the one that needs to decide to fight and no-one can force her to do that.

Please make sure you are looking after yourself as well You shouldn't need to be doing this alone. Rely on those around you - friends, parents, teachers, school counselors. They are there to help you as well. You can't support her if you aren't able to manage yourself and aren't being supported.

And also try to work out and accept your limits. This is hard to think about, but there may be a time when you can no longer support her. I know it happened for me with a friend of mine. It didn't mean that I didn't care about her or was giving up on her, but she needed more than I could provide and we both had to come to accept that. Knowing your limits and what you will do when you reach them can be very important.

I can't promise to have answers but if you ever want someone to talk to please feel free to contact me. I am always happy to listen and support you in any way I can.

I really hope that your friend can get the help that she needs thinking of you.

[Sam2]

Do you or any of your friends know this girl's parents well? She is a minor, and they might have the power to get her into inpatient therapy. That sort of thing bother me, putting someone into inpatient against their will, but she is truly in danger. mazing makes a very good point about making sure you take care of yourselves. Dealing with a situation that may end badly is a lot to deal with. If you aren't careful, you can be sucked into the "if onlys".

Your friend is lucky to have you. So many people leave friends who are having emotional or psychiatric problems. They are frightened, don't know how to help, and just can't handle the situation. The most you can really do is to be a good friend. If you were all adults, I'd suggest seeing if someone could stay with her in shifts, but that is very difficult for adults, let alone people in school. Its important to realize that what ever happens, it is not your fault.

Can you and your friends talk to your guidance counsellor about what you can do for this girl? Again, as mazing said, you need to have a support system for yourself. Please take care.

Sam2