[AnnaBegins]

I slipped up again last night. I was almost all the way healed from the last slip up. Even made it through my annual physical where my doctor saw the scars and asked about them without getting locked up or slipping up again from the shame when I got home after.

And then last night I found myself cutting right before I went to bed. I don't even know what exactly triggered it - there was no emotional wave before I started and even though I had an encounter with a person who is normally a trigger earlier in the day, it was drama and emotion free so I don't think that's the cause.

I hate living this way and nothing I do ever seems to make it better. I feel like it's only a matter of time before the wrong person sees my cuts and scars and I get locked away. And that will cause this whole house of cards I've built for myself to come crashing down.

Nothing seems to work...nothing seems to be enough to shut the voices in my head up.

Sorry for venting...I'm probably not making any sense...

[blackpearl86]

I used to cut myself too.
My sister found out and got so angry at me, she tried to pour alcohol over my cuts so I could feel more pain.
You are making sense... And I am sorry you are going thru the pain. The cutting helps distract you from your internal anguish... But only for the moment... Hope you can find an alternative way to deal with your pain...