Destructive "helpers"

I am still struggling because of a destructive, sarcastic, sadistic "helper".

I doubt if I will ever get better, and that is probably what "he" wants to happen. "He" wants me to be punished all my life, a repetition of my stepmothers wish for me....... I kinda give up..... there are only so many times one person can take being abused and treated like garbage.

If anyone is being abused or even thinks they might be being abused, please GET OUT before the sickness of your "helper" infects you to the point of destruction

((((((((((((((((((((( Fuzzy ))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))) Please take care of yourself.

When I through a table at SKR (my therapist at that time) when I was acting out the memory piece of "Margo" we - SKR and I - were told that it is possible to control those urges and behaviors. On my end since it was my physical body I was the one that was responsible and held accountable for controling what goes on when I am aware and unaware. I had to be aware of what I was feeling at all times. and when I felt the least bit mad and starting to get that floaty far away feeling that is my symptom of when I start to dissociate. and I was resposible for using grounding techniqes and relaxation techniques to ground myself back in full awareness of the present and or hold myself in that area of floaty far away feeling but yet not completely in my la la land where I could not control my behavior when pieces of memories (alters) were replaying.

For SKR's part in the situation she had to talk to me while I was replaying those distructive pieces of memories and so on and help me to stay grounded in the present and help me to develop co consciousness so that I could control my behavior and thoughts with locating the triggers and using grounding and relaxation techniques.

Hnag in there. it does get better.

Thank you Monty, Bear and myself,

Take care,
Fuzzy

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Fuzzybear said:
I doubt if I will ever get better, and that is probably what "he" wants to happen. "He" wants me to be punished all my life, a repetition of my stepmothers wish for me....... I kinda give up..... there are only so many times one person can take being abused and treated like garbage.

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Just wanted to let YOU know that I understand the feeling YOU have here.... I too often feel like that.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( )))

Thanks for replying..... it helps that you understand....... I feel bad for you though, that feeling, naturally, totally sucks

(((((((((((( Rhapsody )))))))))))))

I doubt if I will ever get better "He" wants me to be punished all my life

You have to try Fuzzy. Don't give up. Don't let the bad guy win.

Thanks Petunia, I am not going to give up.... then the bad guy would have won

Never give up, Fuzzy. I did 'get' your message. I guess there's more than one way not to give up. I almost gave up, but I need to stick it out and try to beat the situation. I don't want to beat my helper. She has tried to concede victory a couple of times and I told her that wasn't the object.

((((((((((((((( Rap ))))))))))))))))

((((((((Fuzzy)))))))) I was just thinking about this on the way home, actually, and how so many people in my life have tried to convince me I was no good and would never amount to anything and never get better, etc.

It took me about a decade of therapy, and I'm in danger of sliding back at any given second, but it IS possible to learn how to let "helpers" like that slide off you and not take them seriously. If I were any good at it, I would share tips -- it's a day-to-day process, if not minute-to-minute, for me.

Just wanted to let you know it's a bite, but it can be done, even for a little while. Keep fighting. You KNOW your "helper" is no help at all, and completely wrong about you!

In the meantime, there is pizza on the way to my cave, now that Mama Bear isn't home (out of the country, even!) to supervise what I eat. Come on over!

CB

Thanks Candy, wtf is up with these people trying to beat up bears

Pizza will help me forget them for a while, thanks for the invite

(((((((((((( Candy ))))))))))))

Fuzzy, sometimes when I get angry at what's been done to me, I slip on my alter-ego, "Kodiak." Kodiak bears can grow to 9 feet tall and 2,000 pounds. They are the most fierce, fearsome bears in the world. As Kodiak, I am able to kick ANYBODY's butt! Sometimes it helps me feel better to imagine that.

((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))

((((((Fuzzy)))))))

So watch out if the two of us are out on the prowl

((((((((((((( Candy ))))))))))))))

((((((((((((( Frozen_Heart ))))))))))))))

I just want to say I am feeling a LOT better now. I realise where I have been going wrong in my thinking. ... when feeling particularly depressed and anxious. Also the med withdrawal was affecting me more than I realised. I am now on regular meds and keeping to that. To be continued

So glad to hear you're feeling better.

(((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))

Love,
Rap

thanks! ((((((((((((((( Rap ))))))))))))))))

xo Fuzzy