[whiskeyprincess101]

You know I was thinking about it today and how contradictory it is that I'm willing to burn myself but one of my biggest fear is burning to death. I can't tell if it's because of myself liking the control or some other unknown reason, but I just found this so strange when I was thinking earlier today. Does anyone else have any idea why this could be? Or is anyone else the same way?

[Sharp_Lace]

Maybe your afraid of burning to death because you know how painful it is.

I think the only reason I would find myself doing this kind of thing that reminds me of my fears is for some kind of rush.

Maybe you get the endorphin rush that way without even realizing it.

[Skywoulf]

couldn't tell you, but I used to get burned a lot in an industrial kitchen, and even the severe second degree burns were nothing more than minor annoyances in the scheme of things. (co-worker poured 600 degree lobster grease/water all over my left hand, and yes it was a minor annoyance all things considered)

but it was a few years ago that I caught on fire from a campfire, and even though it was not that serious (severe 2nd degree from wrist to elbow) I was lucky that there were people around who threw me on the ground to put me out. I was thinking "ok, keep trying to beat this out and calmly walk over to the spigot and put the fire out" needless to say, events took their own course. I stopped beating to check if I had got it out, and the flame took off running up my sleeve (flannel shirt) and I could hear my hair begin to crackle..... like I said if it weren't for others being there I could have been in real trouble. I was tackled. (remember I was still trying to remain calm and walk not run to the faucet around 10 - 20 yards away.) just as I was being tackled, I felt the sharp searing pain along my entire arm from hand to shoulder and it was worst than any burn I had ever had. from old fashioned m-80 in the '70s blowing up in my hand, to 600 degree grease pored on my hand, this was far worse.

so perhaps your subconscious knows what your conscious mind simply cannot. "what it will feel like" because until you experience being on fire, you can not know how you will react, or what it really feels like. I was lucky, I had help and mine ended up being minor after a fashion of speaking but I still have a scar that ruins my tan from wrist to elbow.

[MusicLover79]

Hmm...I'm not sure. I actually think about this often. Even though it's not one of my fears burning to death. I wonder why i SI at all when I hate pain. Like I can't stand getting burned by my hair straightener, but I can stand to burn myself when I'm hurt? like it's so contradictory. I guess one of the reasons could be I feel less pain or almost no pain when I burn myself, but I feel intense pain when someone hurts me. This is a great question you brought up

[Skywoulf]

I forget the group, or the song title but there was a song popular in the '90s that had the line "bleed just to know you're alive" in it, and I think that sums up SI of any kind quite succinctly. not having the experience of "true" SI this is only my opinion.

[sugahorse1]

I SI like this and have never cut.
I do think subconsciously there is an endorphin rush. I really think I do it so I can feel in control of something, even if it's hurting myself