Help with Potential Partner who Self-Harms

First off I hope this Is appropriate content on this form. I will be reading through other posts and see what is being said. So with that being said I will finish my post.

I am very interested in this person she has a few mental health conditions, and those do not bother me. But what I'm really concerned with and don't really understand is the desire to cut herself and something called letting.

I understand what cutting is, but I do not understand why people do it?
What is letting?
I'm at a loss as I really cannot handle blood, scars, gore, and things like that.
My question is is there anything that can be done to help her?
Or this something that is continuously in her life and will be dealing with for the rest of her life?
Is there anything I can do as a partner to help her to overcome these feelings?

I really want to build help her and I would like to be able to spend my life with her I don't know what I can do or if there's anything I can do.

I am in no way trying to offend anyone or sy that this is not real I just don't understand and want to find answers.

people have diffrent reasons for cuttung

for me it's a mixture of hatred for myself, so when i cut- some of the hatred flows away with the blood, a way to keep going (since i've know one to turn too) cutting is like a way to express myself, and also because i'm unhappy- and don't want to be here- so seeing the cuts on myself kind of makes me calm

other people have other reasons... events in their life mainly

I admire your loyalty and willingness to stay with someone you love despite their emotional problems.

No where could I find anything on "letting", so I assume it has to do with the letting out of blood. In early times, Dr.s used to attach leaches to sick people or cut them to let the illness out. They called it "letting".

Self harm is all too common among young people, and sometimes adults as well. It can be anything from scratches all the way to breaking bones. Self harm is associated with the afflicted person trying to stop either severe emotional pain or stress. The act of cutting releases endorphins into the system, which are the body's natural pain relievers. People who cut may feel euphoria for a short time as well as relief from what ever is hurting them. It is only temporary though, leading the person to repeat the behavior again and again until it becomes an addiction. I know. Until about three years ago, I injured myself on a regular basis and the final time almost died.

There has been an association between OCD and cutting, and some of the medications used for OCD seem to help some people who self harm. Since you are considering being in a relationship, you should know that for some, self harm can be used as a form of manipulative behavior. That doesn't mean the person is in any less real pain or danger, but its something to watch for. As with any behavior, giving into demands because of the threat of self harm will only make it worse. That doesn't mean that everyone who self harms does that.

The best thing you can do for your intended love interest is support her. IF she isn't already going to therapy, encourage her to go. YOu can even go so far as to go with her and wait outside the treatment room in the waiting room. Psychiatric sessions can be hard and painful, and knowing that you are waiting outside in the waiting room to drive her home may help.

Sam2

It is great that you want to continue to support her It is most important that you let her know that you are there for her and that she can talk to you when she needs to. It's also great that you are seeking information to understand.

I understand what cutting is, but I do not understand why people do it?
People start self-injury for a range of different reasons and even the reactions they have from harming could be different. Some do it from shame, some to release pain, some to feel some form of emotions. Is this something she is willing to discuss with you? She may not be ready, but in time she may start to be able to tell you the reasons and what 'triggers' her (or causes the urge for her to self-harm).

What is letting?
Letting started out as a cultural ritual - it is used is Polynesian communities as a rite of passage to clear toxins etc. It usually involves using needles or other utensils to remove blood from the body. The traditional methods were much more aggressive and I'm happy to provide information about how it works if you want it, but I will do it privately as it can be very triggering.

It is quite an uncommon form of self-injury but it does happen. It is often a way for people to feel 'real' if they are dissociating. It reminds them that they are still human and still alive. It can also be used if people feel 'dirty' or 'unclean' as a way of trying to purify themselves.

I'm at a loss as I really cannot handle blood, scars, gore, and things like that.
A lot of people who self-harm often also struggle with this, or did before they started to harm. The self-injury is often more about the release of pain than the blood etc. I know of some people who self-harm to manage high levels of pain but still can't stand the sight of blood.

My question is is there anything that can be done to help her?
As Sam said, the best thing you can do is to continue to be there for her. Let her know that you are there if she wants to talk or needs you but try not to push her too far until she is ready to talk. I would also agree that it would be good to encourage her to seek help. Therapy to work through both this and her other mental health concerns can be extremely helpful.

Also, make sure that you continue to look after yourself. It is great that you are willing to support her but if you don't take care of yourself you can also burn out. Just make sure that you still have fun and do things that you enjoy.

Or this something that is continuously in her life and will be dealing with for the rest of her life?
There are different opinions about overcoming self-injury. Personally, I see self-injury like almost any other addiction. It can be overcome but there are still times, when stress takes over, that the urges come back. In time you find ways to manage them though, with the right help and support they aren't as strong and you find ways to cope without the self-injury.