[Stronger]

I'd just like to offer some support by sharing my story. There is hope. I promise.

Cutting and self-injury for me, started as a silent scream for help, as is does for most people. It was just something I did when I didn't know how to deal with the pain of severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal thoughts.
But very soon it turned into an absolute addiction. Every time a bad emotion would come hurling my way, my automatic response was to start thinking of how soon it was until I could get alone so that I could cut. A year or so later it had gotten to the point where I was wearing bracelets halfway up my arms because of how embarrassed and ashamed I was of my scars. I hated what I was doing to myself and I knew it wasn't healthy, but I didn't know how to stop. It seemed as though every time I tried to stop it was unsuccessful and I would soon relapse.
Finally I found a therapist that was a lot more helpful than some of the others I had had. The first thing she did for me (in regards to the cutting) was give me helpful tips of what to do when you're trying to quite but still feeling the intense withdraw feelings:

- Dunk your face in a bowl of ice water. This one works WONDERS, just don't give yourself hypothermia.
- Stick a sliced lemon under your tongue.
- Hold Ice (or an ice pack).
- Squeeze two stress balls, one in each hand.
- Go for an INTENSE run (or some form of exercise).
- most importantly, DO NOT fantasize about it. Entertaining those thoughts is the worst thing you can do.

Write these down and keep them close by. Do it. Now. Don't keep reading until you do.

Don't expect things to change instantly. Once I finally set my mind to it, it took several months for me to successfully stop. There were many times before I had gotten super determined that I had relapsed and felt like an absolute failure. But don't ever let your mind tell you that you can't do it, because you can! Just because you've had a relapse doesn't mean there is no hope for becoming "sober" (as one of my friends called it) in the future.
Through the physical cravings, the unimaginable urges, and the fear of looking like a complete fool for dumping my head in a bowl of ice water, there were times when I didn't even believe I could do it. But my therapist believed in me, my friends believed in me, and if you don't think you have anyone in your life that believes in you? You're wrong....I believe in you.

After a long, painful discussion with my therapist, we agreed that she would take one bracelet away from me each week. As my scars started to become uncovered it made me realize that I was hiding a lot more than just the fact that I was a cutter, I was hiding the fact that I am a broken pieced together mess of a human being trying to fix my life by cutting myself into even smaller pieces. I realized that what I had been doing to myself was never going to get me anywhere, especially not on the road to healing. Shame was the wrench I got in my stomach whenever I would look at those hideous lines on my arms. It was that way for over two years after I finally stopped for good. I thought the shame of my scars would never end and I hated myself for my previous lack of self control.

Five years have passed since the day I started on that incredibly bumpy road. I had no idea what was to come the first time I picked up a razor. But now I look at my scars and I no longer see what I used to see; I see patches of skin that are stronger than they were before.

Whether it feels like you will never be able to stop, or you will never be able to overcome the shame and embarrassment attached to those scars, I want to say to you wholeheartedly..........
There is hope!

[smmath]

Thank you SO much for this post. I think your ideas for not self harming will work wonders for the people here. I really appreciate you posting this. It feels good to know that there are people who have made through to the other side.

[mazing]

Thank you for sharing That is some great advice