[SparkyCat]

I've been told I'm doing everything right, seeking help, mindfulness, relaxation, monitoring the meds, elastic bands to try and help with the self-harm...and yet the urge is still there. I still feel prohibitively anxious, the smallest thing is enough to make me angry at the world and want to throw something out of the window but instead all I'll do is curl up and cry. I'll spent the majority of every university class outside crying, feeling sick, trying (and sometimes failing) not to hurt myself.

I'm just getting worse and worse, deeper into this dark pit of hell, hurting myself and blaming myself for it, feeling guilty and angry and that ends up in me doing yet more. Feeling so so guilty for knowing that my bf is feeling so much worse for trying to help me. I know all this stuff...but I can't seem to listen to myself, I don't have control over my own mind or body anymore.

I just want to curl up and make the world go away. Release all this stupid frustration and anger and grief into my legs, punish myself for being so stupid, for hurting others.

Help?

[x_BabyG_x]

It's alright attempting to tackle the surface, but what about what's going on on the inside? Those urges will always be there unless you sort the deeper issues out first xxx

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[SparkyCat]

I don't know, I'm trying...it's hard to work through that one my own while I sit endlessly on waiting lists for CBT and counselling.

I just seem to constantly be taking one step forward, four steps back.