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#1
May 01, 2014, 02:11 AM
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Sorry, forgot the tag, ... it's a TRIGGER for some. Not extreme, but touches on some things.
... of a personal diary entry of mine, when I was 19 years old. (now 27) It was so messed up to see me, so young and stupid, but what was the most messed up, was how I showed my arm with really nasty looking bruising, ... I clearly had no ****ing clue why I had done it; it was all alien to me. I remember that it was pretty much when it all started, ... it esculated pretty quickly from hitting my arm to hitting it with hard objects, until my arm just didn't feel the pain anymore, and that part of my arm started to feel harder, like I was wearing away whatever is under the flesh. After that, I got more daring, ... every new thing was like a dare "Would I be brave enough to punish myself to this extent". Maybe there was more to it, ... I don't know, I'm not even sure I WANT to know. I think I was trying to pass it off as just "something I did for the heck of it" but I was clearly messed up. What the hell makes someone do that ****, seriously? I'm so glad I'm not that same kid, ... I know 19 isn't a kid, but I was so immature and deluded, naive and in my own little world of ********. Thank God I grew up. OK, I'm done. Thanks for reading. By the way, in-case anymore mis-understands what I said: I don't think self-harming means you're immature and need to grow up, it's just that I was that way. I think I SHd until 2010 or 2011, ... no idea the last time I did it, because it was too long ago. By "it", I don't mean anger, ... I broke my hand a few years back, and probably did other stupid **** from anger, ... was pretty pissed off about a lot of things, but it wasn't self-harm in the psychological sense, just that I was pissed off and acted on it.
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Translation: Not a devil [ `id -u` -eq 0 ] || exit 1 |
 Angelornot, RunningInTheRain, ShiningLight
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#2
May 02, 2014, 12:09 AM
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when I was younger, 11 or twelve, I used to hit myself with books. I didn't know what I was doing. I moved on to choking myself later and finally cutting. I think everyone looks back at their younger selves and thinks "I was so dumb" or "I was so naïve" but that just shows you've grown.
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Last edited by notz; May 02, 2014 at 08:33 PM. Reason: Added trigger icon. Might be a trigger for others. |
 IchbinkeinTeufel
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#3
May 03, 2014, 10:50 AM
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That I have!
__________________
{ Kein Teufel }
Translation: Not a devil [ `id -u` -eq 0 ] || exit 1 |
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