(TW) Reasons to selfharm...

I've been thinking about this a lot since the people at the institution always ask why I cut. There are just so many factors.
1. I want to punish myself. I hate myself and I want to hurt me.
2. It calms be down and reliefs my anxiety.
3. As I have extreme mood swings, I need open sores to remind myself that I'm still mentally ill when I'm feeling a bit better.
4. It helps bringing me back to reality when I'm dissociating.
5. Sometimes I guess I just want people to notice and care for me, even though I hide them as I don't want anyone to see.
6. It helps me avoid abusing drugs, throwing up my food after eating, suicide and other destructive behaviours... even though I usually end up drinking a lot while cutting.
What are your reasons? I'm trying to make some sence out of this situation. Sorry if I triggered any of you.

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I have a lot as well. Hugs to you by the way. Feel free if you want to message me as I have been in a similar place.

1.) To punish myself
2.) To stop myself from thinking certain things
3.) To help increase my endurance in athletic things
4.) To curb my anxiety
5.) To stop myself from having a lot of extra energy
6.) To make it so that I still deserve support Etc.

- grounding from overwhelming of distressing situations/emotions/flashbacks
- curbs dissociation
- emotional release (tension, stress, anxiety, fear, hurt anger...)
- keep suicidal urges at bay, keep me from acting on the urges and thoughts
- relief from body memories
- it's just "right", it's what is "supposed to happen"
- slows my head
- the sight of the blood is calming
- (rarely) I can hurt myself more than anyone ever could, and it doesn't even hurt.