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#1
Jan 29, 2007, 10:12 PM
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i really really like this guy, and hes one of my best friends, and we're getting even closer lately. and i kinda want him to know about the cutting and how i think i might have anxiety issues, but im not sure if i should. i know he'd like try and help and stuff cuz thats just how he is, but i dont know if telling him would interfere with any chances of us ever going out. what do you think i should do?
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#2
Jan 30, 2007, 12:36 AM
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How are you hoping that he will react to that? I ask because I have a tendency to want to tell people that I am a self-injurer, and I have learned that for me it is part of an unhealthy pattern. One reason some people (me anyway) SI is to get help, or to get someone to care. And that isn't really entirely unhealthy if you ask for help from someone who appropriately can and should help you, like an adult relative, a counselor, etc. But peers do not have responsibility or the resources to give that kind of help. Also, it sets up a dynamic in the relationship that is unequal - they get to be the strong one and you get to be needy and dependent. Ask yourself if that is the kind of relationship that you want with this guy.
I'm not saying you should never tell. Once you are in a close relationship with healthy dynamics, or if they start asking questions and you feel like you can trust them to be supportive, when the relationship has a strong foundation that isn't going to change too much by telling them about cutting, then it might be appropriate, or not - it is your choice. I have found that people will be concerned and supportive at first, but after a while they are tired of trying to help someone who is bent on self-destruction. Rap
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#3
Jan 30, 2007, 03:04 PM
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I agree with Rapunzel...
Many times we don't define borders of what is personal and what is private. I think SI is a private item reserved only for those very few trusted people in our lives. I tend to what to tell everything about me forgetting about the fact most of it is private. Since there appears to be no pressing reason to tell him, why not wait awhile longer? Hope this helps
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Direction  Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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