[ThisWayOut]

I think I figured out why I'm pushing the limits of my self harm. I think I know what need it would fill, but that's not helping me figure out another way to fill that need. It's not making it easier to walk away from the self harm. It's not preventing me from doing it several times a day for the past few weeks (though the real insight came today, it hasn't given me the motivation to keep from doing it over and over again). So does insight into the motivation ever actually help anyone? I'm frustrated with myself, yet I keep returning to it and hoping I can finally get the severity I'm looking for (even if I don't want the real consequences to that action)... ugh! I feel so stupid sometimes. I should know how to change this by now. This insight should bring a change in actions. I should be better by now. :/

[glok]

Hello, ThisWayOut. The insight is helpful when the will to change steps up.

I wish you well.

[Kiya]

yes. it just takes time. healing trauma can take 7+ years of therapy.... I'm in year 12? I think? the insights are what keep us moving forward.

[NothingCanStopYou!]

Hey!

I can see that you're feeling very frustrated.

Give yourself some credit for posting here and allowing yourself to reach out for support!

As for me, I have a few montras that help me I dont know if its the same as "insight"
So what insight have you had?

[ThisWayOut]

There's a few reasons I figured out, and I tried to address them with my t yesterday, but there wasn't really time... one big one is that self harm makes it ok to ask for more help when needed because I'm not expected to handle excessive physical damage on my own, but I am expected to sit with psychological hurt on my own.
:/

[Wysteria]

I think you are beginning to answer your own question, with say the insight you had yesterday about sitting with emotional pain vs "dealing with physical pain". Having that insight, you realize the need to find ways to self-soothe, create healthier coping skills, reduce the "emotional pain" and ask for help.

Thus, as the internal and emotional pain decrease, then so will the need to hurt physically to get help or support or fill the holes.
Good job thinking it through and searching for answers...

Just looking at it from a different angle...

Wysteria

[NothingCanStopYou!]

Okay first things first, if there wasnt enough time to focus it then maybe bring it up first thing next session because it seems to me like that disappointed you and if this is whats on your mind then you should be able to talk it through so you can kick this thing!

About asking for help - i get what you mean. That makes a lot of sense. Also people get taken care of for physical; or VISIBLE illnesses so weve learned that inorder to get people to care we need to damage our body. So maybe youre looking for people to show you care and concern. I know I struggle with this. I dont know if this is something you can relate to but i think its what you mean?

[ThisWayOut]

The problem is, I'm ok finding other coping skills and self soothing when I'm not ridiculously depressed. But right now, it's near impossible. I'm also not able to convey what I need when I need more support (partially because I don't know exactly what I need).
The idea that being hurt translates to caring comes from my childhood. I was told that I was being cared for and loved, but I waof its being hurt. It screwed things up in my head, and I'm not yet able to separate the two things. Hopefully I'll be able to get to it with this t, but I'm not sure. When I'm rational and a bit removed from the depression, I can see all this. But when in the middle of it, I can't make the connections. I've been pushing the limits of it for a while, and now I'm hoping I didn't push too far. :/ hoping I don't have to get checked out for it. Ugh.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I think I figured out why I'm pushing the limits of my self harm. I think I know what need it would fill, but that's not helping me figure out another way to fill that need.

For me, insight brought about by head knowledge is not the same as insight brought about by experiential knowledge. An "A ha!" experience can help one make changes, especially when we have that experience with/in the presence of another with whom we are discussing a problem we have or as a result of an earlier such discussion.

Mindlessly filling a need is not necessarily the way to go. Drinking salt water or polluted when you are thirsty will cause more problems than it can help. Picking up an SI or OCD habit to relieve pain or anxiety does not get rid of the pain or anxiety, just makes the problem worse. That can be easy to understand intellectually but how one feels. . . One needs to feel insight in the same way for it to help?