[musinglizzy]

This is my first time on this board, so forgive me if it's already been covered. I see my T twice a week...and we are working on abuse/neglect issues as a child. Thursday's session really was our first session that was quite intense, and very hard on me. I sat on the couch, not facing her, hiding my face with my hair....looking very "ashamed" as she put it. I'm 40, and I cut in my teens, possibly into my early 20's. I haven't done it, or thought of it, since.

After Thursday's session, I was physically ill. And I just went numb. This may sound crazy, but I just impulsively decided to get a tattoo. Just a small one on my inner wrist.... but it's not something I'd planned to do, this was a spur of the moment thing, where I called to make an appointment in the next day or two hopefully, and I ended up leaving 5 minutes after the call to get the tattoo. It's meaningful and something I'm quite sure I won't regret (a symbol), but I thought about it afterwards. The pain actually...well, it felt GOOD. Like I said, I'd been so numb....and to feel again was wonderful. I told my T I got a new tattoo today, and I think she sort of took it as an alternative to cutting...she said if I keep that up my entire body will be covered in tattoos (she was joking).

I suppose I got it for the wrong reasons....but that numb feeling from that session went away. I actually did admit to her today that I was pretty sure that had Thursday's session not happened, I wouldn't have this tattoo on my wrist. She had a talk with me about how if I ever feel it's too much, or the session is just too intense and we need to move on to something else, I need to let her know. Now today, we talked about close to the same things as Thursday's session, but it was different somehow. More light hearted. ANd I left feeling calm, and happy I got a lot of info out without even thinking about feeling upset or stressed out about it.

But, I have a feeling this tattoo will come up again. Has anyone else done this, as an alternative to self harm? I'm twice the age I was the last time I did it, and I'm not marked up in tattoos (I have a couple, and even those came around the same time I was self harming).

[glok]

Hello, musinglizzy. My question is whether you are being honest with yourself. Did you in fact get the tattoo knowing it might work to self-injuring?

I wish you well.

[musinglizzy]

Well, I did say in my post that had that rough session not happened, I probably wouldn't have done it. And that once I got it..the numbness I felt went away. So, although I don't think it was self injuring, I think the pain of getting it made the numbness go away. Hey, I really like it, it's small and tasteful...and not something I think I'll regret. It's actually a symbol. A GOOD symbol. Serves as a reminder to me of calmness, and inner peace.

[TheWell]

I had an amazingly rough EMDR appointment with a new therapist. I left in a horrible place, and did the exact same thing you did. I was so upset and I was having an anxiety attack, I went right into a tattoo place and got a tattoo on my wrist. Unplanned. I'd never done that before either. It was totally a reaction to my bad appointment.

[musinglizzy]

amazing to know, thank you! dont get me wrong....I love the tattoo

[TheWell]

I love mine too especially because it was a method of survival.

[musinglizzy]

I have an appointment for two more on Wednesday! One is very, very tiny. Both are cover-ups. I honestly feel like I will have a new outlook when they're done. One, especially, has affected the way I dress for years. I am very self conscious, and don't want anyone to see it. It was a bad, homemade mistake. So I'm getting a new, beautiful tat over it on Wednesday!!

[ShyOne]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

This is my first time on this board, so forgive me if it's already been covered. I see my T twice a week...and we are working on abuse/neglect issues as a child. Thursday's session really was our first session that was quite intense, and very hard on me. I sat on the couch, not facing her, hiding my face with my hair....looking very "ashamed" as she put it. I'm 40, and I cut in my teens, possibly into my early 20's. I haven't done it, or thought of it, since.

After Thursday's session, I was physically ill. And I just went numb. This may sound crazy, but I just impulsively decided to get a tattoo. Just a small one on my inner wrist.... but it's not something I'd planned to do, this was a spur of the moment thing, where I called to make an appointment in the next day or two hopefully, and I ended up leaving 5 minutes after the call to get the tattoo. It's meaningful and something I'm quite sure I won't regret (a symbol), but I thought about it afterwards. The pain actually...well, it felt GOOD. Like I said, I'd been so numb....and to feel again was wonderful. I told my T I got a new tattoo today, and I think she sort of took it as an alternative to cutting...she said if I keep that up my entire body will be covered in tattoos (she was joking).

I suppose I got it for the wrong reasons....but that numb feeling from that session went away. I actually did admit to her today that I was pretty sure that had Thursday's session not happened, I wouldn't have this tattoo on my wrist. She had a talk with me about how if I ever feel it's too much, or the session is just too intense and we need to move on to something else, I need to let her know. Now today, we talked about close to the same things as Thursday's session, but it was different somehow. More light hearted. ANd I left feeling calm, and happy I got a lot of info out without even thinking about feeling upset or stressed out about it.

But, I have a feeling this tattoo will come up again. Has anyone else done this, as an alternative to self harm? I'm twice the age I was the last time I did it, and I'm not marked up in tattoos (I have a couple, and even those came around the same time I was self harming).

Hello,
While I have 3 tattoos each one of them have a meaning for me. I have a profile of a fried that took her own life, two dolphins over my heart for the daughter and grandfather that I lost, and a tramp stamp with my husband's name, my name and our anniversary date. When I started out self harming I was a burner but quickly moved into cutting as well. I stopped all self harm when in my 20's and thought that I had beat it. However it came back full force a couple years ago and I have lost count of how many stitches i have had to get because of it. This last time that I cut sent me to the hospital for 30 some stitches and a hold to talk to someone, thankfully they did not keep me long.
As far as getting tattoos as a form of self harm? I believe that society can accept that more then they do the cuts. (i hope that makes sense) With a tattoo people comment on how nice it is or how much they like it... with cuts and scars they look at you like you are crazy.
Sorry for my rambling. I hope that this gives you some insight into my thinking.

Hugs to you

[jackielunaaa]

getting tattoos in alternative to self harm is considered self harm. If you feel as if you did it for the pain, then you must talk to your therapist about this.