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  #1  
Old Jul 25, 2014, 07:21 AM
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monkeybrains21 monkeybrains21 is offline
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Almost 7yrs had gone by and I just gave in yesterday. Granted not as bad as before and they've already almost disappeared but still I gave in.
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i dont matter, Road_to_recovery, ThisWayOut

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  #2  
Old Jul 25, 2014, 08:16 AM
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i dont matter i dont matter is offline
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we are human. setbacks/failures are expected. perfect is not obtainable. Hope you are okay.
Thanks for this!
Road_to_recovery, ThisWayOut
  #3  
Old Jul 25, 2014, 09:21 AM
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monkeybrains21 monkeybrains21 is offline
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I wish I was ok. I just want more. I'm just so upset and trying not to be. I don't think the meds are working right now. I know Pdoc is probably going to up the dose next time I see her.
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  #4  
Old Jul 26, 2014, 06:06 PM
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smmath smmath is offline
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Hugs, how are you doing today?
  #5  
Old Jul 27, 2014, 09:46 AM
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monkeybrains21 monkeybrains21 is offline
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Better. I'm not so down. I'm looking forward to my last hectic week of workin under an incompetent boss, and a new adventure to look forward to with a new job
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ThisWayOut
  #6  
Old Jul 27, 2014, 09:57 AM
NothingCanStopYou! NothingCanStopYou! is offline
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Hey!

I know how it feels to be clean for a while and then like mess that up
and I can COMPLETELY RELATE to wanting more. Just know you are not alone...

I know you mentioned the medication but do you know what triggered you to self harm? Did something happen?
Thanks for this!
ThisWayOut
  #7  
Old Jul 28, 2014, 10:43 AM
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monkeybrains21 monkeybrains21 is offline
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I was very stressed about the job interview I had the day before. And for some reason I can't be completely honest with my partner about PC. It's just my thing the only thing that is mine and I don't want to share it.
  #8  
Old Jul 28, 2014, 09:50 PM
jackielunaaa jackielunaaa is offline
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Don't worry about it. You are not a failure. We all make mistakes. And I know you will not give in again.
  #9  
Old Jul 30, 2014, 06:32 PM
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monkeybrains21 monkeybrains21 is offline
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Had another bad day. Want to give in so bad.
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Road_to_recovery
  #10  
Old Jul 30, 2014, 11:58 PM
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Road_to_recovery Road_to_recovery is offline
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I'm sorry ((hugs)) how long does the urge last? I find a lot of times when I get stressed the urge is very intense and I tell myself that when I get home or to my car then I will give in. Generally by the time either of those happen the urge to self injure has passed well enough that I can go forward. Although I do bite my knuckles pretty hard at work :-/ I don't know if holding off for a while would help you not give in but please don't be too hard on yourself
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And I miss the days of a life still permanent
Mourn the years before I got carried away
So now I'm staring at the interstate screaming at myself,

Hey, I wanna get better!

Bleachers - I Wanna Get Better
  #11  
Old Jul 31, 2014, 06:57 AM
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monkeybrains21 monkeybrains21 is offline
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They never go away, jut merely pushed away until they calm. I gave in again last night. I was so close to making it. My partner wasn't home, I had lasted almost the whole time in her absence but then I just did it. She literally pulled in moments later.
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Road_to_recovery
  #12  
Old Jul 31, 2014, 09:00 AM
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monkeybrains21 monkeybrains21 is offline
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I admitted to my partner about my SI. She's very upset and thinks it's all her fault since I hadn't done it since before we got together. I've tried explaining it was her it was just everything goingon bombarding me and in a few moments of weakness I caved. It just makes me feel even worse that she thinks it's because of her.
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Road_to_recovery
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