[lonelyowl92]

I have SH before. I first did it when I was 12-13 and did it on and off for a number of years. I have never done is constantly, it was more short periods of time when something was really tough or when I felt like I really needed it and I haven't done it for about 6 months. I have recently split from my parter who is also a SH. She is to a greater extent than me and I have always found it very difficult to help but I understand why she does it and I understand how she can't just stop. It is just sad to see her hurt the way that she does. However her SH hasn't been as big of an issue recently as it has been before but I know that she still uses it as her way of coping. We have recently split and I am worried she is doing it again. I know there isn't anything I can do but she use to tell me that when she has stopped herself from doing it, it was because she wanted to be strong for me and she has told me before that if it wasn't for me then she would be dead by now. I am so upset by the break up itself and I blame myself so so much and I have so much anger and hurt about it all that I want to SH so much in anyway possible but I am trying to be strong and so far I am managing. I am just so worried about her. If something happened to her I would feel to guilty and responsible but I don't know why I should when she left me? SH has been such a big part of us because we have both be through it and I accept her, her scars and her need for it, I do but I don't want to be worrying all the time about her. I need to know that she hasn't went back to hurting. I want to know that she isn't going to go back to it but I can't know any of it. Is it wrong for me to want to know even though I am not her partner now? How can I stop worrying so much? I care about her even if she doesn't care about me anymore and I am worried for what she could do to herself.

x-

[Travelinglady]

Hi, lonelyowl92, and welcome to Psych Central! I can understand why you would be concerned. What would you do, though, if you found out she was SH-ing again? It might be best not to know. I suggest you get involved in other activities, look for new friends, and even go out again with other women.

And, yes, stay strong for yourself. If need be, then talk to a therapist about this matter, if you can't let it go.

She will be okay. And whatever she does is her choice. You did what you could. Okay? You will survive and can even thrive.