Adults who self injure. (?)

I started self-injuring when I was about 17 or 18. I am now 25, married, a graduate student of psychology, work full-time in the mental health field, and about to buy a first home. And I still self-injure. Sometimes I feel so ashamed and childish that I deal with things at 25, the same as I did at 17. I also have no urge to stop. I figure, well it's not killing me, I'm not doing it to kill myself, so who cares? I don't even attempt to try to stop. The scars bothers me. I notice them way after the fact, though. I don't think about them as a consequence when I'm in the act of doing it. What I wonder is, how many on this forum are adults who self-injure?
Thanks,
Robyn

There's another thread about this somewhere in here. There are a lot of us. I'm going on 42 and started when I was 32.

Candy

I'm 38. I've stopped for just over 2 years but still frequently have the urge to self injure.

--splitimage

I'm 31 and had stopped for 6 years and am starting slowly back up....feeling the same about it as you, seems weird that as an adult, I'm doing it again.....

I started at age 34 while in the hospital waiting for medicines to work for depression and anxiety, I found my metal watch band had a fairly sharp point. It relieved the anxiety I was feeling at the time. That was the first time I actually connected SI with the "relief"

I'm trying to think back if I had actually done anything earlier. I think I was self medicating in high school with cigarettes and alcohol. When I got to college with lots more alcohol. At the end of college marijuana was the choice. All in all I would say I had some very risky behaviors. I guess many of those would be considered some form of SI.

It's life-long for me. At five or six years old I was biting my arms, leaving marks that stayed for a couple of weeks and really embarassed my mother. I never really stopped, although I have changed methods and gotten pretty creative with some of them. The first time that I cut I was in college, but I didn't really get into it then. I was in my later 20s when I started scratching harder and deeper, and graduated to using scizzors or other tools.

Now I have been 29 for something like 8 years (I lose track), and I have been married for almost 17 years, and I have 3 kids (ages 9, 12, and 15), and I have a bachelor's degree in psychology and I work as a behavior specialist (some of my clients have self-injurious behaviors that I work on reducing). I am more than half finished with a master's degree in counseling (I'll start practicum and internship within 6 months).

It has been 3 or 4 months since I have cut, and I'm not wanting to do that as much as I used to now, but there are still about a million little self-destructive habits that I still have and some I don't even know that I do, and they don't particularly bother me. Sometimes it's scary, like this week I worked late too many days and didn't have time to sleep enough, and yesterday I barely made it into my driveway before I fell asleep in the car. I had been falling asleep at work and in class for two days.

The longer you maintain these habits, the harder it is to break them. No excuses, but it's not easy at this stage of the game.

I'm in my late 20's and have been SI'ing for 18 years. I feel the same way you do about it being childish especially since SI now, is mostly associated with teens. I'm embarrassed that anyone will find out and think that I'm too stupid to figure out how to deal with things in a healthy, adult way. For me, it's not that I don't want to stop, it's more like I'm too scared to stop.

yes,i do believe there are a lot of adult SI'ers here.

.

Hi,
I'm 30, have a Master's degree in a health care field, and have been cutting for going on 8 years. I guess I wish I wanted to stop, but I don't really. It feels like a part of me as much as any other characteristic. I don't cut as much as I used to, but I like knowing it's there if I need it. The scarring is an issue I've been thinking about more. My cuts never used to leave a scar, but lately they have and I'm a little stressed about it. I have never told any one that I cut, and I'm not anxious for anyone to find out.

I have also wondered about adult self-injurers. Everything you hear is about teens, which makes me feel even more alone out there, like it's a pathetic attempt to join some fad at age 30. It's also part of the reason I haven't sought help - I guess I can rationalize that I'm a functional adult with a bad habit. So, I can relate to your perspective.

Anyway...that's my two cents.
Starfish

I'm 23 and I started when I was 13

The problem with me is that I don't think of the consequences. When I want to SI, I just do. I don't stop beforehand and say, "Wait a second-- this is going to leave a scar, and I'm going to feel really upset about about that later on." The thought of scarring doesn't even enter my mind. I just do it. Now, looking at my arm and leg, I have a whole bunch of scars and marks from some SI stuff that went on in the past 6 weeks or so. Now that I'm looking at it and I'm in a different frame of mind, I get upset... Why did I ruin my body this way? But I'm telling you, next time I want to SI, I'll just do it, and not even think about the consequences that way. I remember last summer I was in the store and went into the dressing room to try on a tank top or something. The lights were really bright, I think they were flourescent lights. It made the marks I had stand out so much and I was so upset at what I had done to my body. But did that make me even want to stop? No.

Also, to further what I had originally brought up-- when I resarch SI online, it's always about teens. I never find any good sources on adults who SI. I feel like a child sometimes. Not just for that, but for many other reasons as well.

I have been SI since I was 12 years old. I am now 35 years old. I can't stop, I've tried. It's like a natural high when I cut. I don't wear t-shirts in the summer because of the scars. I also have anorexia, so I cut when I'm hungry which is all the time. I probably cut 3-4 times a day. If any one has any suggestions, I'm open to them.

<font color="green"> I started when I was 12 and I have just turned 51. I have not done any since the end of January. I have not cut since hmmmm September I believe. </font>

Dalila, How did you keep yourself from cutting so long. It is really hard. I have tried other things like writing, reading, walking, but they just don't work. I want to stop. HELP!!!

<font color="green"> Well first off my pyschiatrist keeps insisitng that I should do DBT. I would have to stop seeing my current therapist during that time span (6 months or more) and just the thought of that is enough to make me feel panicky. My therapist challenged me to prove the pyschiatrist wrong and stop cutting, develop strong boundaries and I forget the other thing. I would do just about anything for her so everytime I pick up the knife or pins I think aobut that. My fear of losing her for even a short time span is greater than my need to cut right now. As the time goes by it does seem to be easier to use other coping skills.

She made me a short tape to listen to when I am stressed and that helps too. </font>

Aye, it creeps up on me.

I'm 61 years old, and when upset i bite my knuckles and joints of my fingers....just to make a little popping sound and put small painful bites in them....it takes force and takes the tension out of my hands and my jaw to do it....i make such small bites it's barely noticable. It has a calming effect on me and i have done it for many years...used to cut and do really sick invasive things to myself when i was extremely angry. Scalding enemas for example...really sick and embarrassing....i have been very ill for years.....

When a body is injured it will release endorphins in the body as a natural form of defense. So you will get a high from that and the physical will distract you from the emotional pain, which is a relief. So its very easy to understand why you do it. It is also a habit. I used to do it and as the years went by it got less and less. I hardly ever do it now but the thoughts still pop in at times, but not for long.

When the urge to do it comes along try and do something else. Do something physical which will also help the body to release endorphins. Go to the gym or have a walk/run. Clean the place where you live. Or get outside of the house as a distraction. I'm sure that your therapist has come up with suggestions as to alternative actions.

Kicking any habit that reduces emotional pain is hard, but doable as you get better.

I'm 20 and I started when I was 18. I stopped nearly 4 months ago. Hopefully it will be a permanent stop but I tend to doubt that

The first time I ever self injured in the form of cutting, I was a sophomore in college (so like 19/20). Then I stopped cutting (but picked up drunk sex) until I was 25, when I started again. Now, its my 26th birthday and I've just si'd two days ago with no intent to stop.

I'm 22.
Used to hit myself in the head when I was 10.
Replaced the above with cutting on and off since I was 14.