[celtic.starlite]

This is a very positive post, however, I want to put a trigger warning only because I used SI terms that could trigger someone and I did not * them.



Those of you who have been following my rollercoaster ride the last few months know that I fell off the bandwagon and began to SI again after two years "sober".
I started cutting again back I think it was the beginning of April? I don't remember. What worked for me before I quit was not working for me when I started back up. I was scaring myself. I found myself wanting to find something, like a box cutter, that would allow me to go deeper. I was wanting that just last night too. I have several new cuts on my wrist, thigh, and shin from just this past week.
I have wanted to quit since I started up again, but I apparently wanted to have that release more than I wanted to quit because I haven't really tried hard enough to actually succeed.
I got some AWESOME news today, and due to that news, I NEED to figure out how to quit again. If you didn't see my post on the Survivors of Abuse forum, I found out this morning, that if I can handle taking two classes at a time, while working a full time job as well as a part time job, I could get my bachelor degree by the end of the school year! That would mean that I got my bachelor degree in two years rather than four years. It also means that I could start my supervised clinic work (ie: patient intake, assist leading mental health groups and AODA groups, etc.). That way I can get all my hours by the time I receive my masters degree, and I'll be able to take the state and national licensing exams right away.
I need to really quit now because I can't help people if I'm not helping myself. I would be a hypocrite if I was counseling someone and trying to help them quit and I hadn't quit. What if I had a new cut and a client asked me how I got it? I'd rather have the scars and the client ask me how I got the scar. Then I could tell them that I used to SI and show them that it IS possible to overcome it. I HAVE TO DO THIS!

Be safe,

Celtic

[Frankbtl]

Hi Celtic, well you're in a great place for support and you know you have a lot of us routing for you
Sound like great goals for you to work towards..........bachelors degree, supervised clinic work...........and really good that you are so passionate about them. So everything you can do to bring you closer to them..........even though it sounds like you already are getting closer
Just try not to let any "pressure" pile on too much, hey?
Keep putting yourself first, you are on your way
Alison

[celtic.starlite]

Just try not to let any "pressure" pile on too much, hey?

You know me too well, Alison.... lol
The pressure started last night. The "what ifs" began late last night too. Right now, I just keep telling myself all I can do is try and if I can't do it that is OK then I just take one class at a time and I will still be finished by the end of September 2015. We'll see what happens.
Hugs!

Celtic