[ThisWayOut]

I was trying to write out part of my reasons for cutting so I can kinda explain it to my T a bit better:

Part of the cutting... comes from knowing that I’m expected to handle overwhelming emotions by myself, but not necessarily expected to deal with profuse bleeding on my own. No one tells you to use your skills when it’s something physical needing more than a bandaid, but they always say that for the emotional stuff, even if it’s way beyond your skill-set. They throw referrals for specialists at you left and right if you have, say, a kidney stone, but you’re supposed to handle flashbacks and trauma stuff through general psych or on your own. It’s akin to trying to pass a 10mm kidney stone as is, without anything more than over-the-counter pain killers and weekly follow-ups with your PCP, when what you really need is specialized treatment to break it up to a manageable size and close monitoring until it passes (or surgery if that doesn’t work)… but it’s not physical, so it’s not something they can point to and say “yeah, I can see that and I’ll try to help you with it”.

It's kinda a weird analogy for me, because I do my best to not let anyone know about the cutting unless it gets really bad and I no longer have a choice (and i try not to let it get really bad). Once it does get really bad though, this is part of the motivation behind it; because I simply cannot deal any more with what's going on inside.

Does that make sense? or is that totally stupid?

[tealBumblebee]

Not stupid at all. I completely understand. Unfortunately most of it doesn't ring true for me, but I can relate to using it to handle overwhelming emotions. Just because I can no relate though, doesn't make the argument any less valid for you. And it's definitely not stupid; I completeeeeely understand! And, in fact, I love the way you illustrate it!