[hermit28]

since I was little (under 10) I've hurt myself because I'm angry and/or to keep myself from destroying things. Usually I would bite myself or scratch myself not drawing blood but leaving a mark and eventually I would calm down and the marks would go away. When I was about 15 I started punching myself in the legs and at 19 I started punching myself in the head and slamming my head in doors and into walls. I'm 32 now and the head punching has increased a lot in severity and frequency over the past 6 years, and last year I began to experience loss of balance and dizziness and nausea like I was seasick. It comes and goes, fortunately its not permanent, but I don't want it to get worse. I don't really know how to stop myself indefinitely. I may be able to stop myself once or twice but if I don't find another way to get rid of this electric like anger by the end of the day I've hit my head at least once.

Punching pillows does not help, exercise isn't really possible during my fits or wtvr you call them, when I'm stable I do exercise about 1-3/wk. I'm not open to meds they make me feel plastic, uncontrollable and unpredictable. MJ use has helped me control my moods in the past, but when I stop it gets worse.

I guess I'm seking anyone who has an history of self injury and how they have dealt with it, if anything has been successful. I do know that it is bad for me and I need to stop, but I just don't know how. I can't afford any type of mental health treatment right now, but am not eligible for free services or insurance (that I can afford) so I'm online looking for resources.

I wonder if Tx for perpetrators or victims of domestic violence would work for my situation.

[kaliope]

i used a book called the scarred soul. i dont know if it was particular to cutting as the title would imply, it referred to it as self inflicted violence which hitting yourself would be. i liked it in that through most of the book it did not push you to give up your violence which i wasnt really prepared to do. but it helped me to understand why i was hurting myself. you read a chapter and then answer questions. it isnt till near the end of the book that you make a committment to stop. i could not do that. but still, i did not cut for five years after that. then i cut like two times when i had a complete breakdown and was massively suicidal. and it has been almost eight years now since i have harmed myself. so it think the book really worked. you can get it pretty cheap, around ten bucks, cheaper used, on amazon. take care.

[Fuzzybear]

[hermit28]

Thank you.

I used to take drives and listen to loud heavy music to kind of release or work out that "electric anger" I had built up inside me. Good luck