Over a decade

Aurialia · Mar 30, 2015 at 10:21 AM

It's been... technically about seven years, but that was a one-time minor incident. Other than that I haven't cut in over a decade.

I'm new here and I think I should have started in the Grief and Loss forum, as that's my main issue, but this was bothering me today. I recently lost my fiancé. I met him... around seven years ago.

I'm tired, and I don't really want to talk much... but I've been thinking about it. I'm going through a complicated grief and

Possible trigger:

there are knives sitting around my apartment. I keep thinking things like "I wonder what it would feel like again" and "he's not here anymore". It's like I'm regressing.

When I met him, I was pulling myself out of that hole, learning to live for myself. If I had met him even a year or two earlier, things would have been different. He's gone now and I want to run back to the only thing I knew as safety before I had him, but those places and friends are long gone... this is something that isn't.

It's not who I am anymore, and it's not who he'd want me to be, but I'm having a hard time... I don't want to turn into that person again but, regardless of what he'd want for me, he's not here anymore.

Ruftin · Mar 30, 2015 at 09:20 PM

(((Aurialia))) You've out grown those places of

Possible trigger:

cutting/self injury

and there is no safety in that. Only more loss and grief. You've suffered enough and deserve to start feeling and living again. Grief is a process and going back to those old places will only slow down this process. I know you're hurting terribly. I know the pain is unbearable. I know the pain will never go away but you can get to a point where you can bear it if you just hang in there. Be strong and take courage, capture those old thoughts and make them obedient. Do not give in to them. You are too precious.

Fizzyo · Apr 04, 2015 at 02:00 PM

Auralia, Ruftin has given good advice. Can you do something kind to yourself? Cuddle a soft animal, eat chocolate, do some art? I haven't broken my habit yet and it's so hard, the first one is the easiest to resist however hard, it is your choice and you do have a choice, no one will make you do it and no one will do it to you. Someone helped me choose well this evening and I hope you will be able to choose well too.

from the bottom of my heart

Paibok49 · Apr 04, 2015 at 04:10 PM

I'm so sorry for you pain and loss. It can sometimes help to spend time with people you know even if it doesn't take all the pain away because it's still getting you out of your house where you can't be near the things that you're tempted to use.

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Paibok49 Junior Member Member Since Mar 2015 Location: CA Posts: 13 9	Apr 04, 2015 at 04:10 PM #4 I'm so sorry for you pain and loss. It can sometimes help to spend time with people you know even if it doesn't take all the pain away because it's still getting you out of your house where you can't be near the things that you're tempted to use.
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