[CherryBerry9339]

Starting off, I was about a year clean. A lot of things have been going wrong and I felt the urge to SI. I told myself not to do it, that I would regret it when I'm done. I couldn't stop myself, and now I feel terrible. I feel terrible for the fact I let myself resort to it again. After being clean for so long, I feel like all the work and effort I put into that was for nothing. In the moment it helped and after going back to it, it's not going to be easy to stop again. The only somewhat decent thing is that it's not bad enough that it really has to be treated. But it's still not exactly good.. I'm hoping that I can go back to recovery with my previous 'support system'. I'm just really beating myself up about it..

Congrats on making it to a year!! You can be proud of yourself for that. Don't be too hard on yourself for your lapse.

[Frankbtl]

Hi CherryBerry, please don't beat yourself up about it, just like you said "A lot of things have been going wrong" there were things that led to it.
It may seem like it was an "immediate" action despite you trying not to, but there was a lot more of a build up to you finding yourself needing to, right??!!
So yes, absolutely focus on trying not to..........again, and you have shown you can get to the point of not..........!!!
But as well.........a bit of self-compassion considering the things that have gone on for you?? And maybe trying to work through them, and everything else going on for you with some support?? And maybe we can help a bit with those things if you want to talk about them...........
And the work/the effort you put into staying clean...........that honestly wasn't for nothing
You've shown yourself that you can do it, you've picked up stronger coping skills along the way, you've developed a support system, you've shown yourself you're more than...........each day has been worth it.
And yes, it can be real hard to going back to being clean.........but you're not back at "square one".
Plus you're not back at "day one" either..........imagine maybe in a year saying "other than one day.........(???) I've been clean for two years". This past year has still counted, and counted big-time!!!!
So real congrats on making it the one year!!!! Massive achievement and kudos!!!!
And if we can help you continue on your journey........with the urges and/or with the other things that have gone on/are going on in your life.........we're here for you
Alison

[CherryBerry9339]

Thank you guys so much for the support and words of encouragement. It really means a lot to me