[johan88]

Hi,

I ask forgiveness beforehand because of my poor english.

I feel afraid all the time and severely depressed at a point where i wish of non-existence almost every moment every day. I honestly feel stuck here living with so much pain, anxiety and hopelessness. Often i want to end it immediately, but great guilt always stops me. When i grab or see the instrument i see as viable to do so, i always think about how much pain and embarrassment i might bring to my surviving family, and that thought always prevents me from doing so.

I've been living this situation for the last 3-4 years, and i haven't find the wisdom of overcoming that obstacle which prevents me from rest and an end. Sometimes i wish i could be more selfish or courageous and do it.

I live in a place where's there are many prejudices where professional help is largely unavailable or extremely hard to locate and i don't honestly see a solution other than a life changing miracle.

Please help or advice me on what to do.

[CANDC]

Hi johan. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are battling extreme depression. There are ways to cope with these kinds of stress, like self care and having a safety plan in case you find yourself in a crisis of confidence. Here is more on a safety plan that includes numbers for crisis lines that serve your area. Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan
Common Hotline Phone Numbers | Psych Central

Of course I would highly recommend a therapist, but if that is not possible, I would like to recommend a resource here at Psych Central that you can send in a question, and get a reply from the therapist as their time allows. Here is the link for that. Ask the Therapist

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

self caring can include getting 7-8 hours of sleep. Diet can have an affect on how we feel. I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Here is what I use when my head gets over crammed with thoughts. Breathe in a natural way. Silently count one on the inhale and 2 on the exhale. 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 then go back to 1. This helps me focus on breathing rather than the wall of thoughts.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

[Fizzyo]

Hi Johan,

I'm so sorry to hear of all the pain and anguish you are living with, really, I am. Thank you for having the courage to share with us.
This is a safe place to share and get support. I really hope you are able to post some more, or reply to other posts, because, the more active you are, the more chance you have of getting that bit of information or care that you need.

I have little to add to what CANDC says, C is talking sense and I would really encourage you to consider and follow the advice.

I really, really hope you can find some way forward.
By the way, I think you have very good English indeed. I couldn't write as well in any other language as you do in English.

Be kind to yourself, as much as you can, YOU DESERVE IT, even if you don't feel like you do.

[johan88]

Thank you for your kind words and willingness to cooperate.

[Fizzyo]

[CANDC]

Thank you for reaching out to Psych Central.
If you want to search for more help, go to Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information. and go to upper right corner search box and insert the term(s) you are interested in.