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Member Since Nov 2010
Posts: 48
13 3 hugs
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#1
but I can because I'm at work. I would love nothing more than to cut all my skin off.
I had a strong trigger Monday night and the urge is getting stronger by the day. I had an ex-therapist call the police on me to do a wellness check because of some unwanted visitors. When the policy came I said she wasn't my therapist and I was fine. The cop asked me why I contacted her if she wasn't my therapist. I said I was responding to her email. He said why didn't you pick up the phone and I said because she didn't call me. I explained the situation (I'm not sure what she told the officer and I'm not sure what he told her when he called her back). I don't think he believed me ( I have a long past of abuse and religious abuse ) He said he was suspicious of my story because I wouldn't let him in the house. When I emailed my therapist before this all went down I said I was an evil person. That I'm positive God doesn't want her involved with a person like me - a bad seed. Anyway, I emailed her yesterday to tell her one of my attackers is being put away for 18 years and I didn't get a response. I think I pushed or ran her away. I disappointed her because I didn't confide in the cop or something. I 'm not sure what I did wrong I can't contact my current therapist becuase I haven't been able to share with her my secrets and what I'm really going through. I just want to self harm so badly!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Fizzyo, LonesomeTonight, Skeezyks
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
(SuperPoster!)
9 17.4k hugs
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#2
I'm sorry to read of your struggles, bterrier. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find peace within...
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,543
(SuperPoster!)
9 76k hugs
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#3
Sending you hugs...
Could you consider typing out some of what you're feeling to share with your current T? Even if you don't talk about all the secrets yet. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 3,282
9 3,980 hugs
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#4
Good idea from Lonesome, I hope you find a way through this horrible time. Meanwhile, rant here, you're anonymous so you can get anything off your chest.
Ps I truly hope you can stay as safe as possible. You're well worth it. |
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