I want to cut so badly right now

but I can because I'm at work. I would love nothing more than to cut all my skin off.

I had a strong trigger Monday night and the urge is getting stronger by the day.

I had an ex-therapist call the police on me to do a wellness check because of some unwanted visitors. When the policy came I said she wasn't my therapist and I was fine. The cop asked me why I contacted her if she wasn't my therapist. I said I was responding to her email. He said why didn't you pick up the phone and I said because she didn't call me. I explained the situation (I'm not sure what she told the officer and I'm not sure what he told her when he called her back). I don't think he believed me ( I have a long past of abuse and religious abuse ) He said he was suspicious of my story because I wouldn't let him in the house.

When I emailed my therapist before this all went down I said I was an evil person. That I'm positive God doesn't want her involved with a person like me - a bad seed.

Anyway, I emailed her yesterday to tell her one of my attackers is being put away for 18 years and I didn't get a response. I think I pushed or ran her away. I disappointed her because I didn't confide in the cop or something. I 'm not sure what I did wrong

I can't contact my current therapist becuase I haven't been able to share with her my secrets and what I'm really going through.

I just want to self harm so badly!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry to read of your struggles, bterrier. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find peace within...

Sending you hugs...

Could you consider typing out some of what you're feeling to share with your current T? Even if you don't talk about all the secrets yet.

Good idea from Lonesome, I hope you find a way through this horrible time. Meanwhile, rant here, you're anonymous so you can get anything off your chest.

Ps I truly hope you can stay as safe as possible. You're well worth it.