Out of the Hospital

Hi all!!

Ok....so this is more like a blog than a post...but if anyone is interested in what a hospital stay for SI is like, here ya go....

I was Baker Acted (involuntary 72-hrs in the looney bin) last week. Actually I went to my regular physician because I knew I was out of control with my SI and I agreed to go into the mental ward of a local hospital - but he Baker Acted me I guess to make sure I wouldn't leave. Ended up being in there from Thurs night to this afternoon! But now I'm HOMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, I didn't hurt myself any when I was in the hospital. I don't feel like hurting myself right now - my wounds are still healing. They put me on enough anti-biotics to cure a rhino! So I guess it's a good thing I went to the doc.

I was SOOOOOOOOOOO scared when I first got to the hospital!! I had been Baker Acted after an overdose in '95 and had a bad experience in the hospital. Wasn't too bad this time! But I was still a nervous wreck - I was holding on to a teddy bear I brought with me for dear life - but they took it away from me once I got to the mental ward My blood pressure the first night was somewhere around 160/120!!! They were afraid I was going to have a stroke! And I don't have high blood pressure!

Geez that first night and morning were HARD!!!! Because I self injured all I could wear were hospital gowns....NOTHING else!!! I felt naked!!!! But by mid afternoon of the first day it became a running joke with everyone that I wanted my clothes....everything was "H- wants her clothes" I got them back after I saw the psychiatrist. It seems stupid though - most of my SI I did with my finger nails!! I certainly didn't do it with my underwear!! but they didn't cut my finger nails?? hmmm

The hospital I was at had beds for 17 patients - usually had 10-15. It was a mismanaged mess the first time I was there. But MUCH better this go around. We had group twice a day (which was hokey of course, but it passed the time), cinema therapy (I know, huh! yes we watched a movie every night...don't ask me how that's considered therapy), we did an art project one day (painting ...I swear we all felt like we were in second grade!!!!), and we saw a pyschiatrist each day.

I don't know if any one else has experienced this, but it is absolutely AMAZING how tight you become with the fellow patients automatically. It doesn't matter who is in there for what or where they came from. We're all empathetic to one another's situation. I mean the craziest out of control acting guy will stop to help a little old lady in a wheel chair and get her some tea! Or a patient helps a homeless alcoholic who can't open his silverware outta the plastic. Just the little things people were willing to do for each other and support each other. Anything said was accepted with an understanding you don't find anywhere else....well except for maybe here!!!

Anyway, so here I am! I'm staying out of work until Monday - my damn boss is who sent me over the edge in the first place! But I think I am OK with the work situation now - she can do whatever the hell she wants - I know now she was in the wrong and she has problems! It wasn't me!!!!!

I have an appointment on the 26th I think to see a psychologist so I'm looking forward to that....of course give me a few dayz and I'll be whining about how scared I am to go!!!!

Right now I'm feeling happy to be home, of course, but also a little anxious!!! I don't think I'll SI anytime soon - but I look at what I did and it's hard to believe I was so out of control!

It's definitely going to take some time. The last time I was hospitalized I was just a 19-yo student. Now I'm a 32-yo professional who has missed a ton of work!!!!! I'm worried about going back to the office (I told them I was having panic attacks and blood pressure issues). Looking the people I work with in the eye and knowing I'm not telling the whole truth about where I've been and what I've been through. I definitely want to hide!!!! But I know I can't!!

If anyone has questions, feel free to ask or send a PM.

Take care!!!!!

Post deleted by DocJohn

thanks so much for your post!

i definitely hope you are never in need of hospitalization!! but don't be afraid of it if you ever need to be! it's definitely scary!!! but in the end the docs & nurses are there to help!

I'm glad your T is trying to learn more to help you. that's awesome - sounds like someone you can really count on!!

I am so glad you got some help. I was very worried about you. So happy you are doing much better. ((((((gostryter))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((gostryter))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so glad that you found your stay helpful. Welcome back!

BB

wow that sounds like quite the experience! I'm glad you are doing OK now though, and that you are feeling a bit better about things!

((((((((((((((((gostryter)))))))))))))

I am glad you are doing so much better!

I too had similar experiences in the hospital—getting close to the other patients. We did form an immediate bond and did things to help each other out. Sometimes, I think I got just as much therapy from them as I did from the nurses and pdocs.

Glad you are out! Take care of yourself.