[Jensitive22]

Hi, I have a couple of questions:
1. I didn't start cutting unti two years ago. I was 52 years old, is this weird to be starting this in my 50's? Anyone else out there who have had a need/desire to start this later in life?

2. Is this only a characteristic of BPD? I have been diagnosed with BPII and GAD.

I should put this in context. Two years ago I had an anxiety meltdown at work. I was teaching at the high school level. I had to go on medical leave. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety and guilt for leaving my teaching and caseload responsibilities and fearful that I would lose my job. I was also angry at myself for not keeping my ***** together. It was all those overwhelming emotions and visualization of slashing my arms that led me to cut. I should have been hospitalized, but I was afraid and didn't want leave the safety of my home, my bed. I did show the cuts to my psych, but he didn't seem too worried, and encouraged me to get a therapist.

I have cut myself a few more times since then for reasons of acute despair or self-anger/hatred.

Thank you for reading this.

Being 26 I can't answer your first question, but I'm pretty certain there are others here who are older/started later in life.

You don't need to have BPD to self harm. Unfortunately a lot of doctors see self harm and then slap a BPD diagnosis on you purely for that. This happened to me, I have spent the last four years trying to get rid of this diagnosis and I am only now finally starting to get somewhere...

Self harm can be part of so many different diagnoses, depression, bipolar, BPD etc etc

hello and welcome to the forum.

to answer your first question, yeah.. their are people who started at an older age (though for me, i started in late childhood/ early teens)

secondly, no. you don't need to have BPD to do it- i don't have that, and i do it (in fact i started before being diagnosed with anything)

welcome again..

[Jensitive22]

Originally Posted by HalloweenSkye

Being 26 I can't answer your first question, but I'm pretty certain there are others here who are older/started later in life.

You don't need to have BPD to self harm. Unfortunately a lot of doctors see self harm and then slap a BPD diagnosis on you purely for that. This happened to me, I have spent the last four years trying to get rid of this diagnosis and I am only now finally starting to get somewhere...

Self harm can be part of so many different diagnoses, depression, bipolar, BPD etc etc

Thank you so much for answering my post. It's helpful to know that SI is not just a BPD issue.

[Jensitive22]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

hello and welcome to the forum.

to answer your first question, yeah.. their are people who started at an older age (though for me, i started in late childhood/ early teens)

secondly, no. you don't need to have BPD to do it- i don't have that, and i do it (in fact i started before being diagnosed with anything)

welcome again..

Thank you for answering my questions and welcoming me to the forum.

[thesnowqueen]

Hi Jensitive22 I began self harming in my 20s as a way of trying to stop ruminating (the pain would break it, momentarily). Unfortunately it became a go-to strategy to deal with strong emotion, desire to punish myself, self-loathing, and sometimes just because physical pain felt better than emotional. It's taken a long time to realise that all the reasons are bad reasons and though the impulse is still there in some situations I usually manage to replace the behaviour with something better.

One therapist I saw 'suggested' BPD, but another better qualified T said not. I'm unsure because I think I satisfy many of the official criteria for it.(I'm not manipulative and my anger is all self-directed, but some of the others fit). Like you I definitely have an anxiety and depressive disorder, but I remain unsure about axis 2.

[Jensitive22]

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

Hi Jensitive22 I began self harming in my 20s as a way of trying to stop ruminating (the pain would break it, momentarily). Unfortunately it became a go-to strategy to deal with strong emotion, desire to punish myself, self-loathing, and sometimes just because physical pain felt better than emotional. It's taken a long time to realise that all the reasons are bad reasons and though the impulse is still there in some situations I usually manage to replace the behaviour with something better.

One therapist I saw 'suggested' BPD, but another better qualified T said not. I'm unsure because I think I satisfy many of the official criteria for it.(I'm not manipulative and my anger is all self-directed, but some of the others fit). Like you I definitely have an anxiety and depressive disorder, but I remain unsure about axis 2.

Hi Snowqueen, have you heard of a Quiet Borderline? Rather than acting out, they act in. They internalize their pain and anger. The characteristics of BPD overlap with BP. I don't know, it gets quite confusing and I tend to get hung up on the labels. I just know, like you, when I feel strong emotional pain, I want to cut. I've been on a good med combo and I went 7 months without cutting. Then, I had a serious marital issue last week. I was hurt and angry and having a really difficult time expressing it to my husband because he wanted to move on after apologizing. I felt invalidated. That is a huge trigger for me. I cut. Then I felt really disappointed and ashamed of myself. But.. It was enough to shake my husband up and we had a really good talk.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Self harm can go with many psychiatric conditions, it's not exclusive to BPD and not all people with BPD even self harm(I don't agree with self harm being a criteria of only BPD).

I have met other people who started SI'ing later in life, you're not the only one.

[Jensitive22]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Self harm can go with many psychiatric conditions, it's not exclusive to BPD and not all people with BPD even self harm(I don't agree with self harm being a criteria of only BPD).

I have met other people who started SI'ing later in life, you're not the only one.

I just started going to a PTSD group. One of the characteristics of complex PTSD is self-harm. So, I think you're all right that it can be connected with most all psychiatric conditions.

[Skyflyer]

I only self harmed for this first time this week and I am 32. I don't even know why I'm doing it, it's like I just have an urge and start obsessing about it. So strange.

[Jensitive22]

Originally Posted by Skyflyer

I only self harmed for this first time this week and I am 32. I don't even know why I'm doing it, it's like I just have an urge and start obsessing about it. So strange.

Was there a trigger?