SI during last relapse

My bf and I were drinking. We got in a fight. He passed out and I was in a painful pit of hopelessness and failure. I didn't care anymore, so I kept cut myself. My bf showed no empathy. I don't know why I did it. I've been suicdal for moths and meds aren't working. I broke up with bf, two days ago bc all he wants to do is drink. im getting sober. Im cleaning my cuts but one looks infected. I am detoxing off the alcohol and feel very sick. Does it make me crazy to cut my wrist or just a drunk?

Hi zijax

I'd say that it makes you neither crazy or a drunk
To me it sounds like a reflection of the inner pain you've been feeling.......a pain that got too overwhelming to keep/stay inside of you

And just guessing..........right now maybe you're feeling hurt/lots of feelings about the breakup as well??? Whatever the circumstances, breakups can sometimes leave those feelings..........
But please try not to, to me it sounds like a positive first step in the way you've been feeling, if he showed no empathy then (!!!), then I'm guessing that he left you with lots of other negative feelings about the relationship/yourself before that???
So please feel real proud of yourself for doing that!!!
And in doing that, it sounds like there was that voice inside yourself shouting at you that you matter and you deserve better, real kudos to you zijax!!!
And you do matter, so now it's time to put yourself first, and as you have been doing in wanting to kick the alcohol!!

Now I really don't know if it's the alcohol that has been effecting how well the meds have been working........possible........or it's down to the meds themselves but definitely get them reviewed. As you probably know anyway there can sometimes be a lot of trial and error in finding the right one's.
And if you're not already, maybe throw in other things like crisis lines and talking to us
Please keep listening to/remembering that voice deep inside saying that you matter, because you do

Alison

Bf showed no empathy - he sounded like a pos