[findingmy_self95]

I feel so high, I feel... not happy but so relieved. I feel like I can breathe. I just SI, by burning. I feel so high right now I don't even feel ashamed, dissapointed or any of those feelings...yet.

I know its wrong but i feel so mellow.

I guess you could say, "I feel, So I can't feel" -Hillary(me)

Im going to end up a depressed puddle of hopelessness again. I wish it wouldn't, im trying, im hoping it won't, but it feels so inevitable, no matter wehat I do.

And this feeling, its, almost addictive, Painful, but addictive. This feeling of sadness, the tightness is my chest. I want it to stay. I don't want to let it go. I feel so...confused

[cutbuddie]

bb girl, talk to me woman, doesn't help to keep it bottled in like this. keep a diary, type out what you feel, scribble. or what my T told me to do was to stand on my two feet and look around at the walls, floor, anything, just to give you a chance to look around. i don't really understand why she suggested it but might aswell give it a try!
take care.

marshmellows, that is all.

[Sannah]

Brennen, pain releases dopamine and this improves your mood and yes, SI is one of the addictions. You do it when you are overwhelmed with your feelings and this is why people turn to many of the addictions.

Is therapy a possibility for you?

[findingmy_self95]

I see a SW and im seeing my psychiatrist tues, I have SI 3 years, march '11 so, i know its addictive, but its suck a confusing feel and whenever i feel anxious i just freak out and cry but when i start SIagain i go right to it because i know i can and its the quickest shot term solution

[Omers]

Oh Brennen, I know how hard you are working to fight this. I am sorry that the anxiety and SI were so strong. Tomorrow is a new day. It is my hope that when tomorrow comes you will find your strength has returned and you will hold on stronger in the days to come.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Brennan11007

but when i start SIagain i go right to it because i know i can and its the quickest shot term solution

Yes, this is exactly why people reach for it because it does work in the short term. For a long term fix how about working on that anxiety with your SW?

I recovered from anxiety and I found that my anxiety was from unhealthy boundaries, stuffed feelings, lack of social skills, low self worth, and my nervous system developed this way from growing up in an emotionally insecure environment. I worked on each one of these issues with great outcomes.

[findingmy_self95]

I am exactly like that

anxiety was from unhealthy boundaries, stuffed feelings, lack of social skills, low self worth, and my nervous system developed this way from growing up in an emotionally insecure environment

and im in a stess group and starting in a couple of weeks a group called fighting the blues but the stress group only helpes for one or two days after the class then i get anxious and stressed again...

[findingmy_self95]

its so hard it fight it when its so convinient and its so overwhleming at the time

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Sannah

anxiety was from unhealthy boundaries, stuffed feelings, lack of social skills, low self worth, and my nervous system developed this way from growing up in an emotionally insecure environment.

You can start working on these things ^ and the anxiety will decrease. Have you ever done relaxation exercises or listen to soothing music with ear pieces?

[bedeb]

Originally Posted by findingmy_self95

I feel so high, I feel... not happy but so relieved. I feel like I can breathe. I just SI, by burning. I feel so high right now I don't even feel ashamed, dissapointed or any of those feelings...yet.

I know its wrong but i feel so mellow.

I guess you could say, "I feel, So I can't feel" -Hillary(me)

Im going to end up a depressed puddle of hopelessness again. I wish it wouldn't, im trying, im hoping it won't, but it feels so inevitable, no matter wehat I do.

And this feeling, its, almost addictive, Painful, but addictive. This feeling of sadness, the tightness is my chest. I want it to stay. I don't want to let it go. I feel so...confused

So in other words (r u saying) it works great for a very short time and then the aftermath of the self harm is disproportionately awful....shame,fear the o whys.
For me I found eventually recognising that the high was outclassed by the lows of my using that I have reached the desire for change..starting to explore other things even self soothing, sitting with feelings, a mindfulness application was recommended to me and I tried insight which is free and seems ok so far.
Let me know what you think and what things you have found that can help me too.