promiscuity

one school of thought is that promiscuity is a person's right... another school of thought is that it's a self-destructive behaviour. what do you think?

i've been in both situations... where one-night stands were just something fun to do. but i've been in other situations where it almost seemed like an obsession-- i had to do it, i had to find new partners, i got bored with steady partners quickly, it was the "chase" that was more fun than the "catch" but by the time you're done with the chase, you take the catch because it's your right after working so hard for it. you'd probably be floored to hear numbers (especially if you saw me-- i'm no looker, that's for sure). someone once told me i fit the criteria for a sex addiction, but i don't know if i buy it. i'm not addicted to sex... i think i'm addicted to putting myself into these potentially unsafe situations.

sometimes it's protected and sometimes it isn't... at the time that's not usually on my mind (despite my safe-sex lectures in college). it's like i'm a totally different person sometimes, or i'm the same person with weird notions of what's right and wrong, or i think i'm invincible (when i'm manic) or hoping to die (when i'm depressed).

does this make any sense? does anyone know what i'm talking about?

I agree with Ozzie. When I was in college after my assault I went through a period of when I slept with quite a few of guys. I am not proud of it and really thought that I was in control of all the situations. However now I really think it was self destructive behavior because of the stress of the assault.

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

jessica,

that's kind of what my situation was, too... but i'd never say the "r" word in relation to what happened to me. (even now, i don't know if i would.) i don't know. i guess that's something that happens to "other" people.

i guess maybe i *do* need more help than i let on. interesting.

thanks...
ghost

Here's my never ever humble opinion...sex between adults should feel good before, during, and after. And long after. If it doesn't, then something is not right. If that become a pattern, then something is seriously not right, and down right self-destructive.

I think a lot of women go through a period in our youth, when we experiment sexually, and perhaps do things we would not repeat later in life. But, we can look back on, and perhaps be a bit embarrassed, but all in all, just laugh about. If you think your current actions don't fit that category, if you think you are hurting your self-esteem, damaging yourself in any way...yes, please talk to a T about it.

I was really embarrassed to admit my sexual history to my T - but once I did, I was really relieved. He has heard a lot worse than my story, and I'm sure your T has heard worse than your story.

Ghost...we want you to treat yourself with love, respect, and gentle kindness. And we want the people who are by your side to do the same. Now, that's not to say that fun is illegal! But fun needs to be safe, and with people who are respectful, caring, and will be there the next day to hold you tight with snuggles.

(((((Ghost!!)))))

Emmy

(((((emmy)))))

what you said makes a lot of sense. and was very kind. thank you. i think maybe this is something i need to address when i finally get settled and get a T. again.

lots of love and thanks,
ghost

Just a short note. Even in a monogamous relationship sex can be used in a self destructive nature. For instance sometimes I get triggered by...say...talking in a therapy session about being raped. Then I will go home and have unprotected sex with my husband. Afterwards I will be scared to death that I might be pregnant. I don't want anymore kids, I have contraception next to the bed, I have no reason to put myself into that tense situation but I do in a very predictable fashion. This doesn't have to do with promiscuity but rather the affects of sex that is done for the wrong reasons. I feel you can have multiple sex partners and be having sex in a healthy fashion but it can be not so healthy as well. Depends why and how you are doing it.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

Carrie,
I completely agree with you. There have been times (that I am not proud of) when I have had sex with my boyfriend just so he stopped asking me about it. I totally did not want to but did anyway. Afterwards I always felt like crap because I felt cheap. Sometimes those feelings with him were worse then with the others.

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>