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Member Since Feb 2018
Location: Sheffield
Posts: 62
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#1
This is my first time writing about something like this, so forgive me if I don’t make a lot of sense. Recently, I’ve found myself thinking about self-injury more and more. Several years ago, if the image ever popped into my head I’d push it out again right away and give it no more thought. However, over the last few days/weeks/months (I honestly have no idea how long it’s been), the idea of taking a knife/razor and cutting my wrists/arms with it has been popping into my head more and more, and it takes more effort to make the idea go away. The idea of actually thinking about self-injury is usually enough to shock me and put the image out of my head, but I’m concerned that it’s happening more regularly. I tell myself it’s something I’ll never do, but I am worried about how things have escalated.
I want to clarify that I have never actually self-injured in the above method. If I’m really stressed, I might run my nails across my wrists a few times (or more, if I’m really stressed). If I’m alone and feeling really bad I might want to hit my head on something (e.g. a desk) or maybe take an object and hit myself over the head with it. Neither of these has happened often, but they have happened. That’s the closest I’ve come though. Simply through the idea of auto suggestion, it’s impossible to *never* think about self-harm, but I’m starting to worry I’m thinking about it too much, even if I tell myself I’ll never do it. I suppose I’m writing this because I want to know if I should be concerned about this. What should I do? |
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Skeezyks, SlumberKitty, StripedTapir
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#2
Well... I don't know how common it is to think about self-injury. I think about it pretty-much all the time. (I also have a lot of passive suicidal thoughts.) I've never cut. But I have permanent problems related to self-harming I done in the past.
Should you be concerned? Yes, my personal, non-professional opinion would be you should be concerned. I don't think you should be scared… but certainly to be concerned would be appropriate I would think. Something is driving this spate of self-injurious thinking. And, at least based on my own experiences, this sort of thing has a way of wearing you down over time. So my thinking would be that it might be best to talk all of this through with someone in real life if that is a possibility for you. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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DapperChapper, StripedTapir
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
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#3
Yes, I think one should be concerned in situations like this. Thoughts can give way to actions. Do you have a therapist? It would be good to talk to someone irl who can help you. HUGS Kit.
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DapperChapper
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Member
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: Sheffield
Posts: 62
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#4
Quote:
I am looking at getting an appointment to talk to someone (in a professional capacity) who may be able to help. I called my doctor. Unfortunately, the earliest appointment I could get is about a month away, so I'm just going to have to hold on until then. My mood has been more stable since last week, so I'm hoping it continues. Thanks for your responses again! __________________ I apologise for rambling. I find it difficult to write concisely and feel that choosing to write incoherently is better than not writing at all. Thank you for your time. |
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SlumberKitty, StripedTapir
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Location: CA
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#5
I'm sorry the earliest appointment is still so far away. Keep writing here if it helps. We are listening. And we are caring about you. HUGS Kit
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Member
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 267
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#6
I think that if you WANT to do it, it's concerning. But I have invasive thoughts sometimes, things I would never act on. When I get scared by them and try my hardest not to think of it, they bother me. But if I actually consider it I quickly realize how ridiculous the thought it and it helps me to dismiss it more permanently. I'm not sure if that's the same with thoughts of self injury. When I have those thoughts, it's something that I have done and want to do so it's more concerning for me.
So I guess what I'm saying is that maybe the reason you're having the thought repeatedly is because it alarmed you so much to have it at all, and your anxiety is related to having an unwanted thought and not because you actually want to hurt yourself. __________________ Are you okay? I'm acting like I'm okay - please don't interrupt my performance! |
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