The more I think about this, the more I feel like a whiny teen. I honestly cant stand being alive sometimes. I have no respect for myself or love..and I cant imagine why anyone else would. When the pain gets soo bad I get numb...and all I want is to feel like I can be happy again...so I cut my wrists. But im too much of a coward to do any real damage..
Then would I read other peoples stories on this site..God..I know im nothing but a little whiny brat who can't take "Teen angst" I just want to be able to feel happiness..true, pure happiness.

[Christina86]

Who says you're a whiny teen? Teenagers have problems, just like everyone else... have you talked to a professional and seeked any sort of help?

Please be careful... I don't want to see you doing any harm to yourself, or worse.

I understand the numbness, and I understand the lack of love and respect for self.

Keep talking. We'll listen.

(((((((((Mel))))))))))))

Thank you soo much
You'll never know how much it means to me that someone will listen
and no I havent consulted any professional help..mainly because I dont think my parents will understand.

[bchlyn]

i am sorry you are in so much pain... and i don't think your whiny... i am so sorry that hurt so much that you cut...but i am really glad that you don't go deep... i don't see it as being a coward... sometimes it takes more courage to control it... then it does not too... and it takes a really brave person to reach out and ask for a hand-up... i know first hand how hard it is... i think we just have to keep replacing all those false messages that flood our thoughts...lyn

[Christina86]

Ahhh yes, parents understanding. Sometimes parents don't, but sometimes we don't give them enough credit. But it's your decision whether you tell them or not (mine don't know either). Do you have a school counsellor you can talk to? Going through this by yourself isn't very fun.

Thank you bchlyn ...soo much. I'll try to keep in mind that not doing as much damage takes more courage than the other way around.
What you said help..thanks again

and canders7...Im sorry that your seemingly in the same boat as I am..I wish we both could make them understand.
and yes theres a school counselor I could talk to..I'll try that as soon as school resumes..thank you soo much

[bchlyn]

as a parent... i can say it would be really hard to hear that my child si...i understand that i have a personal connection to the issue... but, as a parent... i would much rather know, then not... and my initial reaction might be one of fear and panic... and sadness that my child was in so much pain... but it wouldn't change my feelings for my child...everyone situation is different so you need to do what is safe for you... but i thought it might be good for you to hear a parents perspective...and no, i never told mine either... but i wish i had told someone...when my kids were in t... what they told him... didn't go any farther....unless they told him it was ok...i don't know when it involves si what the rules are...but i would really like to encourage you to find a safe adult to talk too...lyn

Thanks for the parent view for my issue...I think as time goes on I might gather enough courage to tell them but for now..im not ready to own up to this just yet
But talking to another adult may be a wise option for me...thank you

[bchlyn]

yw

[GoodMama]

<center>((((((((((MEL)))))))))) </center>

I'm so sorry you're hurting, Mel, and I hope you will talk with the counselor when school starts again. Sometimes parents understand more than you give them credit for and I bet the counselor will have some suggestions on how to start talking with your folks. As hard as it is to believe, parents were teenagers, too!

I told my Godchild once that being a teenager is one of the hardest jobs she'll ever have, and it IS. You might feel like you're different from everyone else, that you're too tall, too short, not pretty or handsome enough, not smart enough ... the list of "differences" goes on and on. But here's the thing, Mel ... everyone feels the same way when they're a teen! Yes, everyone !

I can tell you it will get better because it WILL. The people here will help you and will be concerned about you and will understand excatly how you feel right now. FEEL THIS instead of a cut? And if that doesn't work, please be careful. I asked my daughter to be careful ... and to make sure she sterilized whatever she used to SI so it wouldn't get infected. That surprised her but I meant it!

Hang in there, Honey ... you're stronger than SI. If you weren't, you'd never have come here for help!

Trying to be a GoodMama

[Cthomas]

Hi mel. Good to have you hear. and soo sorry you are feeling so bad.

It took me a long time to tell my mother what i was doing. and it was kind of an accident that I did tell her. She didnt have the same reactions as most did. she hugged me and told me she loved me.

That was helpful. not all parents are the same. So i understand the panic in thinking you should tell. do it when youre ready and if you need to talk to get past an urge. Im here ok?

we all care.

colleen