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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
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Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
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Jun 01, 2022 at 05:12 PM
#201
I'm having urges today. I want to isolate and not go do social things. I want to crawl under the covers and not come back up again until tomorrow morning. I need to do some self care stuff, like get a shower, and I am supposed to go to Church tonight but I don't feel up to it. I want to hurt myself. I just want to feel better.
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
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Jun 01, 2022 at 05:36 PM
#202
I'm starting to feel suicidal too. Ugh. I suck.
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Bill3
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Jun 01, 2022 at 05:44 PM
#203
No you don't.
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Tigger and Willow meowmy
willowtigger
"yes i know i'm just an outcast, i shouldn't
speak to you, still i see your face and wonder,
were you once an outcast too"Esmerelda, HOND
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Jun 01, 2022 at 10:19 PM
#204
Slumber kitty does not suck
__________________ "True courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one" Gandalf - The Hobbit "If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" for my angel girl flying high  The future will not remember, the past does not forget |
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
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Jun 13, 2022 at 11:54 AM
#205
Ugh. I am having urges to self harm. I think it is because two people that I go to for support every couple of days are leaving today for Israel. They will be gone for two weeks. I am not looking forward to this. They both have WhatsApp so we can stay in touch but I am worried about basically having to rely on myself right now instead of getting a lot of text support from them. I did text my therapist and let her know I feel sad, scared/nervous, and lonely. Work is not busy today, at least not at the moment, so lots of time to ruminate and worry.
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
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118.7k hugs
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Jun 13, 2022 at 01:22 PM
#206
My T responded to my Text and said that if I give into SH won't I still feel bad just in a different way? ARGH! Probably. But why does it seem like "the answer"!! Physical pain is always better than emotional pain. I'm in a ton of emotional pain right now.
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Bill3
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Jun 13, 2022 at 02:53 PM
#207
((((((((SlumberKitty)))))))
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Tigger and Willow meowmy
willowtigger
"yes i know i'm just an outcast, i shouldn't
speak to you, still i see your face and wonder,
were you once an outcast too"Esmerelda, HOND
Member Since: Mar 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 3,429
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Jun 13, 2022 at 03:37 PM
#208
Quote:
i hope you can be strong and resist
__________________ "True courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one" Gandalf - The Hobbit "If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" for my angel girl flying high The future will not remember, the past does not forget |
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
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Jun 13, 2022 at 04:07 PM
#209
I'm messed over.
If I self harm before I have the chance to talk to my T (who said she could Zoom with me tonight) then she will accuse me of not giving her a chance to help me. If I don't self harm, I am stuck with all these feelings and emotions. Bleh. I can't win. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Member
East17
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Jun 14, 2022 at 12:49 AM
#210
I get the wanting to reach 2 years without self harming, and that's a really worthwhile goal to have. But you are also putting a lot of pressure on yourself at a time when you are struggling with the issue of your two friends being away for 2 weeks.
Try a little self compassion SK. You can do this, but if you relapse, it isn't the end of the world. Please don't be so hard on yourself, try and think what you would say to a friend in this position, you would understand and cut them some slack I'm sure. Thinking of you and wishing you well. E x Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk __________________ To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might be the world. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
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Jun 14, 2022 at 09:28 AM
#211
Thank you East17, your words mean a lot to me. HUG Kit
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
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Jun 14, 2022 at 10:20 AM
#212
Argh. I really don't feel like i can stay away from a relapse. I am having lots of thoughts of SH and a voice in my head is telling me to do it.
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
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Jun 14, 2022 at 10:21 AM
#213
Also I have a mammogram appointment today and I am stressed out about the medical professionals seeing my scars. Most don't say anything but some do. I've had medical professionals ask me if they need to put me in the hospital, or if I am okay, stuff like that. I don't really mind if they ask if I am okay, that is kind of caring, if it comes across right, but I don't know. I mean, it's hard ignoring them because they are very noticable, but I don't want them to think I am crazy or something.
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Bill3
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Jun 14, 2022 at 11:07 AM
#214
Hang in there SlumberKitty!
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
given
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Jun 14, 2022 at 01:33 PM
#215
Crap. I relapsed. Ugh.
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Bill3
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Jun 14, 2022 at 02:15 PM
#216
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Tigger and Willow meowmy
willowtigger
"yes i know i'm just an outcast, i shouldn't
speak to you, still i see your face and wonder,
were you once an outcast too"Esmerelda, HOND
Member Since: Mar 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 3,429
(SuperPoster!)
2,926 hugs
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Jun 14, 2022 at 02:19 PM
#217
i'm so sorry, Kit your amazing and deserve to not do self harms to yourself
__________________ "True courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one" Gandalf - The Hobbit "If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" for my angel girl flying high The future will not remember, the past does not forget |
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
given
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Jun 14, 2022 at 02:46 PM
#218
I don't even feel better. This sucks. At least I talk to my T tonight. Hopefully she can help.
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
given
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Jun 14, 2022 at 03:05 PM
#219
I feel kind of physically ill now. Sort of dissociated maybe. Kind of woozy and dizzy and out of it. Ugh. I gotta get it together.
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,287
(SuperPoster!)
118.7k hugs
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Jun 14, 2022 at 03:21 PM
#220
I was supposed to Zoom my T tonight (and I already Zelled her the money). But she just cancelled on me. She fell last night and is bruised up and doesn't think she can do a session. Crap. This is like the worst possible time for this to happen. She said if I go to the hospital, she can't imagine that they wouldn't admit me to the psych ward. Well that seals it, not going to the hospital. Might make an appointment with my PCP in a few days so she can check on things. Crap. I can't believe this is happening.
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