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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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#101
Quote:
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#102
I haven't been having too many self harm urges but today I had some memories of the hospital and then after that I have wanted to self harm. It's not all encompassing wanting to. It's a moderate wanting to. I need to get distracted, probably once I am off of work, and then I will probably not notice the urges so much. Right now I am not distracted so I am noticing the urges.
In other news I am taking April 2nd off of work (good Friday) to celebrate the end of Lent. Which I know doesn't officially end until Easter. But I figure if I make it to Good Friday I will make it to Easter. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#103
I'm having bad urges today. I know that means that my level of distress is overwhelming my coping strategies. I know that is all that it means. I have to wonder if it is worth it to throw everything away for the sweet relief SH would bring.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#104
Now I am numbed out and no longer care. I got so distressed that my numbing coping mechanism took over. I don't care. I hope I stay numb.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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#105
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#106
Still numb. At least it's better than tons of urges.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Legendary
Bill3
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Location: USA
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#107
((((((((SlumberKitty))))))))
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#108
Seriously, there was just an Ad on here on My Support Forums that talked about getting your knives sharp. For goodness sakes people! I don't need that sort of messaging!
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Bill3, ReveuseTroublee
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ReveuseTroublee
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Location: France
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#109
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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117.7k hugs
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#110
Thanks. It startled me first and then it triggered me. I'm coping with it okay. I was just like WTH? On a day when I'm having hallucinations and stuff I don't need this mess. Did some breathing exercises and stuff and I'm okay. Thanks for asking! Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3, ReveuseTroublee
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Bill3, ReveuseTroublee
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ReveuseTroublee
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Member Since: Jan 2021
Location: France
Posts: 154
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#111
Quote:
I hope you are proud of yourself, because I am, you did deal with that perfectly. |
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SlumberKitty
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Bill3, SlumberKitty
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Veteran Member
ReptileInYourHead
isnt all together there
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: In the back of your mind
Posts: 584
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#112
Do John mentioned to report any triggering ads, also someone mentioned that if you change the skin in settings the ads go away completely. It works!
Also also, I’ve read your posts, all the way from last year. You are so strong, and I can see that your self care is growing to fill the void that self harm used to occupy. Thank you for writing down your journey for us to see. Wether you succeed in never self harming again or if you relapse, your story will continue to motivate us and hopefully it helps you in some way as well. We are rooting for you slumber kitty! |
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Bill3, SlumberKitty
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Bill3, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#113
Thanks @ReptileInYourHead! It means a lot to me that you read all my posts in this series. It is good for me too to go back and see how far I've come. It is encouraging to me to know that I can make it through lots of urges and triggers. I did report the ad to BlueKoi and they said they forwarded it on to Doc John. I did have an ad blocker on my computer and then I got a new computer and haven't put one on. I just didn't expect to see that!
The past few days I've been having urges and wanting to's. I don't know where it is coming from. It's hard when it just seems to come out of no where. I was having some voices because I got mixed up on my medication for a few days. So I don't know if it is the fall out from that, or because I've been kind of depressed. Or just what exactly. But I'm doing self care and reaching out to others and getting through it one day at a time, Sometimes one moment at a time. Thanks for your encouragement!!! It means a lot! HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#114
I had an appointment with my care coordinator today. She just did a questionnaire about anxiety and depression and asked me what was going on. It was a short call maybe 10 minutes. She said I scored severe on depression and moderate on anxiety. And she asked when I see pdoc next and when the last time I had been hospitalized was. She's calling me back in a week and a half. 475 days without self harm. Been having urges though. Sigh. Doing affirmations though to help.
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Legendary
Bill3
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Location: USA
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#115
Hang in there SlumberKitty! You are doing great work!
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#116
I always used to cover up my arms (which is where the majority of my self harm scars are) but lately I have been wearing short sleeves. Its been more than 16 months since I have self harmed and so I am not having to worry about anything fresh showing. I do have some scars that are pink still and a lot, lot, lot of white scars. I am a little afraid to wear short sleeves at work but I've begun to anyway. It's hot here in So. California. Although I do bring a sweatshirt so if I am starting to feel vulnerable about my scars showing I can put on the sweatshirt and not feel so self conscious. I think it's good overall that I am wearing short sleeves. It's not that I'm proud of my scars, I'm just not ashamed of them.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary
Bill3
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Location: USA
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#117
Wonderful work SlumberKitty!
What has it been like for you to wear short sleeves at work? |
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#118
Quote:
It's been weird wearing short sleeves at work. I've worked here since 2016 and I always always always wore long sleeves or once in a while three quarter sleeves. So it is very strange for me to wear short sleeves. If anyone has noticed the scars, they haven't said (and it's nobody's business so I hope they don't mention it). But if they do, I feel more confident that I can say that is something in my past and it's not a current issue. I feel like I am empowered because of this new reality. And there is nothing I can do to change the fact that I have scars so I might as well be comfortable in my own skin. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#119
I've been having some pretty serious self harm urges. It's so hard. I'm praying that God takes them away from me.
Tomorrow will be 500 days without self harm. I don't know if these urges are real (I do feel emotionally overwhelmed) or if it is some sort of self sabotage. I don't trust myself to self harm safely. I know if I self harm it will require stitches and it will necessitate a trip to the ER and it could land me back in the psych hospital. I KNOW all of this. And yet the urges remain. I'm following my crisis plan. I've alerted some friends. I am talking on here. I haven't set up a plan with my new therapist so I am just using my old plan. He did say to squeeze some ice which I might do a little later on. Stupid urges remain. Just wanted to get them out of my head. Thanks for listening. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary
Bill3
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,923
24.1k hugs
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#120
Hang in there Kit!
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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