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Default Dec 23, 2020 at 02:17 PM
  #61
The Christmas Holiday depression has hit me like bricks today. I was doing okay but now not so much.

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Default Dec 23, 2020 at 06:31 PM
  #62
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Default Dec 29, 2020 at 05:05 PM
  #63
I am feeling self destructive today. I want to
Possible trigger:
. It's like a demon is wanting me to. A lot of work stress which doesn't help. A bad day on Sunday with really intense urges to self harm and then this today. My eyes feel dark and my head is heavy. I feel like I am swimming through heavy water.

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Default Jan 05, 2021 at 12:10 PM
  #64
Hi All,

Getting closer to my goal of one year. But I still want to self harm! Who would have thought it would be this hard even after almost a year. The call of the blade is too strong. Siren's song. It calls me to it. I know that I can't. If I did I would likely end up back in the hospital and I don't want that. But sometimes the thought of just self harming is so intense. I'm physiologically and emotionally addicted to it Pastor T says. It takes a long time I guess to break this addiction. Even though my arms look really good right now....sometimes I still long for messed up arms. I've got to be nuts. HUGS to anyone who wants one, Kit

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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 02:03 PM
  #65
It's been almost a year. Six days away. A year ago I don't think I thought I would make it this long. I promised everyone at the hospital that I wouldn't do it anymore but I didn't take it seriously. I took it as something that had to be said in order to get out of the hospital! There are still bad days. There are still days when I contemplate going back to it but I know somehow it would be so much worse if I did. So keep moving forward. That's what I'm doing. It's hard but I am thankful for all the support here on the forums and from all my friends and family.

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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 02:34 PM
  #66


You are doing great SlumberKitty!
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Default Jan 22, 2021 at 11:14 AM
  #67
I'm giving platelets on Sunday at the blood donation center. I always get triggered when I have people see my arms. I just read about what it is like to give platelets. I didn't realize they would be using both arms. I have worse scars on one arm than the other. So when I normally give blood I do it on the side that I feel isn't as bad. But this time the person will have to see both arms. I know I am going to be triggered from this. I know I will want to self harm afterward. But hopefully I can keep it together and rest in the fact that I'm helping someone with cancer or some other need for platelets and I can not get triggered.

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Default Jan 22, 2021 at 11:24 AM
  #68
Given what you said above, what if you postponed giving platelets for a while? What are pros and cons?
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Default Jan 22, 2021 at 04:45 PM
  #69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
Given what you said above, what if you postponed giving platelets for a while? What are pros and cons?
Well I am still going to do it. On that day it will be 365 days of not self harming (my year anniversary will be the next day because last year was a leap year). It will be a nice thing to do to celebrate. To "let blood out" to help other people instead of cutting to help me feel better in the short term. I might be triggered but I'm going to talk about it tomorrow with my T. Kit

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Default Jan 22, 2021 at 05:35 PM
  #70
Hmm I didn't want to sound like I was taking a position on it.

I don't want to do that.

If it felt like I was pushing you: I'm sorry.

Good idea, I think, to discuss with T.
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Default Jan 22, 2021 at 05:38 PM
  #71
No worries Bill3. I didn't feel pushed. I just felt like you cared enough to suggest that I take a step back and rethink. Which I did. I didn't do a pros or cons list though. I just decided I was going to do it. We're good, mate! No worries! Hakuna Matata! Thanks for always being there!

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Default Jan 26, 2021 at 01:17 PM
  #72
I ended up not being able to give platelets because my iron was too low in my blood. Sigh. Oh well. At least I tried.

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Default Jan 26, 2021 at 01:20 PM
  #73
It's been a year and a day today since I last self harmed and I want to self harm. It's like the prospect of another year without self harm seems daunting. And I don't feel up to the task. I feel disappointed over my one year anniversary. I feel like my friends didn't really care enough. I bet if it was a physical problem and I made a lot of progress people would be happy for me. But because it is a mental illness people just don't get it. I did have one friend send me a card and that meant the world to me. Just to have her say, I don't always know what to say but I am always here. That was precious. Still I am in a dark mood today. I need to be in a better mood but it's hard. I just feel like sleeping so I don't self harm. Unfortunately I'm at work so that is not an option.

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Default Jan 26, 2021 at 03:09 PM
  #74


Hang in there SlumberKitty!
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 05:38 PM
  #75
I was super close to self harming yesterday. I had the
Possible trigger:
but I didn't push down. I couldn't self harm. I wanted to. But my Pastor's wife said that "you don't do that anymore. It is not a solution." That made it worse actually. I sort of took it as a challenge. Like you think I don't do it anymore, but I'll show you. But the more I thought about it, and the thought of giving up a years worth of hard work to not self harm, the less I was able to go through with it until I finally put the
Possible trigger:
away and didn't do any self harm at all.

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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 08:10 PM
  #76
Good save SlumberKitty!
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 09:19 PM
  #77
That's great that you didn't self harm at all even though you were super close

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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 06:21 PM
  #78
I promised a friend and my therapist that I wouldn't self harm until at least after I see my therapist on Saturday.


I did it more because my friend is worried than any other reason.

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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 06:21 PM
  #79
This sucks.

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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 08:33 PM
  #80
Good job holding off day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute!
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