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Member
Member Since Nov 2020
Location: Montana
Posts: 42
3 |
#1
Hi,
I am not sure how to phrase this. I have SH on and off for years. A lot of it I do it cause of anger at myself or others and not sure how to show it. (Trigger)I have also used it as a way instead of hurting others. If that makes sense? I almost get a like compulsion to want to physically hurt someone when I am pissed off. I can feel it inside. And I never show anger to anyone. And I recognize that I could do that one day. I have never physically hurt anyone ever. Like if I don’t hurt myself at times I could hurt someone else but not mean to do it. I don’t want to hurt anyone else but I hurt myself instead in any way. I didn’t get mad often growing up, but when I did, I would break things or tear things down, and try to stop myself but I literally wouldn’t be able to stop. When I have SH before in the past it got like that. I would be SH and want to stop but I couldn’t and would keep going till I lost count. |
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StripedTapir
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Junior Member
Member Since Nov 2020
Location: Ohio
Posts: 23
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#2
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I've never had problems with SH per se, but I do have a lot of skin picking issues that we don't know the exact cause of. My psychiatrist has suggested anxiety, SH, or an OCD-type compulsion, but she doesn't know for sure either. Anyway, my point is I know what it feels like to "not be able to stop." Theoretically yes I could stop, but like I honestly can't, even though I want to. I also understand wanting to hurt others as a first-thought reaction but not like really wanting to. I've had those thoughts too and they're kind of scary. Luckily mine are just flashes and go away because I'm really not an angry person, depression has just made me a lot more irritable than I used to be.
You are not alone, friend. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. Have you talked to any type of T for anger management that might help? They might be able to help you find a way to express and release your anger without hurting anyone. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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#3
It makes sense. Those who SH usually "act in" instead of "acting out" Neither is terribly healthy. It is just an explanation for what is going on.
I'm sorry you are struggling. Do you have a list of coping skills you can refer to when you want to SH or harm someone else? __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2020
Location: Montana
Posts: 42
3 |
#4
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I actually have an appointment with a therapist on Thursday. See how it goes. |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2020
Location: Montana
Posts: 42
3 |
#5
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Hi, Yeah no haha I usually just stuff everything I feel inside and try to ignore it. But then it all just builds over time. |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#6
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Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: France
Posts: 154
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#7
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You need to find to healthy ways to release your anger. Maybe boxing or a hobby similar to this could help?? Where you get to hurt objects but not people nor yourself and physically exert yourself... <3 |
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