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Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 250
4 70 hugs
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#1
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Fuzzybear, SlumberKitty, TheGal, Yaowen
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,194
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#2
Wow
Do you mean that the psychiatrist told you that he/she didn't want to see you anymore and that your access to them has been terminated? |
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Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 250
4 70 hugs
given |
#3
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I have arrythmia, which was probably induced by an antidepressant. This is part of why I am depressed. I have only one way to handle the stress ... and apparently I should give that up. I don't want to der a psychiatrist anymore because of their fixation on meds, their unwill to recognize side-effects and because other things happened. |
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Fuzzybear
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,194
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#4
So sorry to hear about your arrhythmia, pliepla. I hope it is mild and not severe.
Do you have a psychologist with whom you feel safe and can talk freely? That might help you more than a psychiatrist. I've hit myself in the past, not so long ago actually, and so your story resonated with me on that level. I take medication, but I don't think it helps with the hitting I think, in my case, I cannot or am prevented from expressing myself... I think I'm overwhelmed with emotion and I do it as a release. I am still trying to figure out the dynamic, to be honest. Do you have any insight as to why you do it? I'd be interested to hear what you have to say... |
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Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 250
4 70 hugs
given |
#5
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I started hitting in an impulse, mostly hen I was overwhelmed by emotions. My earliest recollection - I might have started earlier, but I can't remember - goes back to my early thirties. I had a very troublesome relationship with my mother and I ended up hitting myself when she was yelling at me (which sometimes lasted for an hour or more). Later on, I "slipped" when I went through strong emotions, but it was all in an impulse. At some point I got married (and was hitting myself from time to time in the beginning of that relationship) and eventually divorced four years ago. But as I grew more confident, I managed to leave the self harm (also the cutting at my fingertips) behind for a good ten years. And then, about a year and a half ago, due to things that were happening en therapy - I was in a CBT based program, felt forced to do things I was uncomfortable with and my feedback was ignored - it happened again in an impulse. After that, I was put under pressure to go for a leisurely bike ride - I used to go mountainbiking and was always pushing myself to the limit - and I slipped twice. Recently, I found myself deeply in love with a woman who just broke up and is probably not ready for any step beyond friendship (I don't even have a clue whether I would ever stand a chance). I have been hitting myself more frequently than ever these last two months. I also notice a shift: where it used to happen in an impulse in the beginning, I have also become well aware of the soothing effect. I do fight the urge but I end up planning, sometimes even trying to push myself over the edge by creating the right atmosphere (like playing music that is connected with certain memories). This shift does worry me. I read somewhere that men are more prone to forms of self injury that happen in an impulse. Hitting for instance. I am not al all at ease with the evolution I am going through and I am really frightened that I might at some day decide to turn to other, more efficient, means which intrinsically require more planning. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,194
2 810 hugs
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#6
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Hope all continues to go well with the ICD. It is a major life change, as you say. I have blocked carotids which I have to have re-evaluated this year so that I may resume exercise. Again, sorry to hear about the arrhythmia possibly due to meds... Quote:
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I used to bite and tear my nails when I was a kid, but I stopped, only to have taken it up a few years ago since my breakdown. I read (at the link below) that the injurious behaviour could be a way of dealing with aggression or anxiety. I think for me, it is the latter. The Psychology Behind Nail Biting Quote:
Interesting. Yes, I think it is mainly impulsive for me as a way of dealing with overwhelming emotions. I really want to be more proactive in identifying the emotions and learning how to express them. For now, I am trying to quickly leave situations which are volatile emotionally... meaning, i get up and go out. So sorry to hear you were yelled at for so long... that is a demeaning and humiliating experience. Quote:
The hitting has resurfaced since I've been seeing a so-called therapist six months ago... it's starting to turn into a more regular occurrence, and I don't want to do it anymore really. I want to tell the therapist off, but am afraid to because I don't have a pdoc nor even a family doc. Quote:
Unrequited love: another intense emotion. It sounds like you're doing controlled releases and that it is intentional now. I fantasize about other injurious behaviours, but I'm worried those fantasies might turn into a reality. My overall feeling is that it's a slippery slope and we have to be careful. I need to better learn how to deal with my emotions. Have you heard of the open chair technique in Gestalt therapy? I think it could really help people such as us. Quote:
There is a certain kind of glee to planning and a sense of control... The rise and ego boost... I worry about that actually. Thank you so much for sharing you're story with me pliepla. Virtual hugs to you, if wanted. |
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pliepla
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pliepla
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Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 250
4 70 hugs
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#7
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TheGal
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