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Old Dec 20, 2008, 06:04 PM
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ive never thought about hurting myself. ive never thought about thinking of hurting myself. until today

i was cleaning. hurrying because my parents would be home soon and i was supposed to have been cleaning all day but had spent a lot of time here.

everything was fine until i picked up a box opener. i dont know why i stopped, but i did. i didnt go to put it away, i sat.

i thought about it. i despised myself for doing so, but i did. i knew i wouldnt do it...

i pressed the metal to my skin. but i didnt cut myself. i just stared at it.

eventually i got up. i put it away. i couldnt shake it off. i was hyper-ware of where that blade was, sitting in the pantry.

i had almost forgotten. then i went in the pantry to grab a bag and stopped dead. it was right in front of me. i just stared.

but i pulled myself away. i didnt hurt myself.

i didnt do anything...but im scared. i though about it. i could have.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?!?!?!
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  #2  
Old Dec 20, 2008, 06:22 PM
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Cthomas Cthomas is offline
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We have all had that moment. the urges start somewhere you know. they do not appear for no reason at all. I dont remember meeting you but welcome to pc. Depression brings on SI for a lot of us. Have you ever had these urges before?

I wish i could be of more help. There is one thing i can tell you. DONT START!!!!! If this was your first time, try as hard as possible to NOT start. Resist the urges as much as possible.

Stay safe,

Colleen
  #3  
Old Dec 20, 2008, 06:47 PM
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i know what your going through. i feel the same way knowing i can easily do it anytime. and i want to. but we have to fight through these things
  #4  
Old Dec 20, 2008, 06:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cthomas View Post
We have all had that moment. the urges start somewhere you know. they do not appear for no reason at all. I dont remember meeting you but welcome to pc. Depression brings on SI for a lot of us. Have you ever had these urges before?

I wish i could be of more help. There is one thing i can tell you. DONT START!!!!! If this was your first time, try as hard as possible to NOT start. Resist the urges as much as possible.

Stay safe,

Colleen


no, i have never wanted to hurt myself before. ive thought about thinking about suicide, if you know what i mean. nut i never will kill myself, this i am sure of. but today...i just dont know what happened. but i wanted to cut myself.
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Old Dec 20, 2008, 07:18 PM
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Glad to hear you are still safe. Just keep resisting regardless of how bad it gets. I wish i would have never started.

either way its hard. but i have a lot of admiration for your strength today.

Take care, sending gentle hugs your way.

Colleen
  #6  
Old Dec 20, 2008, 08:08 PM
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Life, are things difficult for you lately?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #7  
Old Dec 20, 2008, 08:34 PM
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  #8  
Old Dec 20, 2008, 09:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Life, are things difficult for you lately?
yeah..things are difficult. the world is trying to come crashing down and its taking all my will to prevent it.
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Im scared of myselfIm scared of myself
  #9  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 12:38 PM
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I am so glad you wree able to resists. Please keep trying so hard as it is so difficult to quit once you have started. Maybe you can talk to someone about all that is happening?

BB
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  #10  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 01:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IsLifeWorthLiving? View Post
yeah..things are difficult. the world is trying to come crashing down and its taking all my will to prevent it.
Do you have some support IRL or anyone to help you?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #11  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 01:42 PM
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(((((((life)))))))
please be careful...
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"You probably think this world is a dream come true... but you're wrong." - Coraline
  #12  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 05:35 PM
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The only prople i ever thalk to about anything like this are on here. Too afraid to tell anyone else. Now that this has happened....even more scared.
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Im scared of myselfIm scared of myself
  #13  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 05:40 PM
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Elle, I want you to know that you can always talk to me if you need to. I'm always here for you- just like you have been for me lately. I appreciate the fact that you've been talking to me and checking on me this past weekend...you don't even know the amount of appreciation I have.

I want you to take care of yourself now...I don't want to see you hurt either! Just know that I and a lot of us here care about you and want you to be safe.
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"You probably think this world is a dream come true... but you're wrong." - Coraline
  #14  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 05:46 PM
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thanks ne. i will be careful. i thought about it again today...but it was easier to forget about. probably cause i had a decent day. i know your there, but thanks so much for reminding me!!!

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Lost in the World

Im scared of myselfIm scared of myself
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