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Feb 08, 2005 at 09:22 PM
#1
Hi all.
I know I've been without cutting for about 2 months. I threw away my blades over a month ago, but last week I bought blades. I just wanted to have the choice. I wanted to know that I at least had the choice. I'm not sure why I am telling you all this. I guess I am frustrated because I feel like if I tell my T about it she will be frustrated me because I've been having attachement issues with her too. And i don't want her to think I'm one of those histrionic attention-seekers. |
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 2,940
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Feb 08, 2005 at 09:27 PM
#2
(((((((EV))))))))
I don't know about you, but for me, attachment issues and wanting to cut go hand in hand. I think if your T knows you well, she will probably understand why these things are happening at the same time. Attachment is TOUGH, TOUGH, stuff.  It hurts so much dealing with those issues in therapy.  Hang in there if you can. And if you can't, you know we'll all love you just the same!! *big safe hugs* Angela __________________  Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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Feb 08, 2005 at 09:40 PM
#3
well.. I sorta don't think its the same. I feel like cutting b/c I'm not expressing my emotions well. I'm not cutting because I want to be close to her. I read somewhere that some people cut as a cry for help. Thats not what this is about. If I wasn't having other problems with her then I'd tell her but now it seems like she may get it all confused. Not sure.
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 2,940
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Feb 08, 2005 at 10:12 PM
#4
I also don't cut because I want to be close to my T. I cut because I get scared, I get frustrated because I can't express my feelings, or because I can't quit hurting no matter how much I try, or because I feel like I don't deserve anything but pain, or because I hurt over attachments in my life in general- not only T.
I just meant that those kinds of feelings tend to come along in therapy right along with attachment issues such as feeling like you can't let your T close, or like you're not safe, or whatever form your attachment issues take. Attachment issues take a lot of different forms, and I myself seem to have quite the package of them- issues of all kinds I just keep believing T that it does get better with time. I hope you can believe that, too, about whatever issues are going on in your therapy. *safe hugs* __________________ Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2004
Location: neither here nor there
Posts: 933
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Feb 08, 2005 at 11:08 PM
#5
((((((((((((((((((((EV))))))))))))))))))))))
I am hoping you're getting the soothing thoughts I'm sending your way my friend  I know it's hard to tell anyone about cutting or any other forms of SI, the general belief is that someone who doesn't do it, doesn't understand the why or they would think less of us or any other number of excuses and reasons why we don't tell. You can always talk to us no matter what, but I sure hope you can find the solution that's right for you in this situation. Don't pressure yourself, just let it come as it does. That's going to make things even more frustrating for you, to add more pressure. You bought more blades a month ago.....but you haven't used them yet. And that's a good thing.... One day at a time and if that doesn't work one hour at a time and if that doesn't work, go one minute at a time. You can do this. We can do it together. take care of yourself, Kimberly. |
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Feb 08, 2005 at 11:16 PM
#6
Thanks KTP and SweetCrusader!
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2004
Location: Running on the wheel
Posts: 5,681
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Feb 09, 2005 at 02:38 AM
#7
EV... i think i understand the need for the blades to be there. earlier last year i had bought a load of pills to od on, and even when i was no longer suicidal, i kept them 'just in case'. it was horribly hard to throw them away... but eventually i managed it. mainly only because i was moving away to university though and was afraid they might be discovered if they still existed at home. so i think you want to have a backup there, in case you need them... and i dont think there is anything wrong in that. some day, you'll be strong enough to throw them away.
__________________ That's why it's such a serious thing to ask a Centaur to stay for the weekend. A very serious thing indeed. - The Silver Chair |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,465
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Feb 09, 2005 at 05:21 AM
#8
((((((((((((((((EV))))))))))))))))
Attachment issues .........blah!! Take care hon, Fuzzy
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