Confessions

Too afraid to to to get mental help because urges are so so so strong to to to cut myself with my my my pocet knife in front of a therapist...uncontrollable urges...that is is is my main reason for not getting help...once i cut myself in front of the the the T, they will involuntarily hospitalize. know i will cut in in in front of the T...urges too strong...must control myself myself myself before i pursue help.

Maybe just try and examine what it is exactly that cutting in front of the T would serve you? Maybe if you can put words to it and try and figure out the cause, it would make it easier to detatch yourself from the situation and be able to talk to her about it and get the help you need.

Ok, I am confused by your post. Why would you cut yourself in front of your therapist? Are you trying to get a reaction? Are you trying to get them to notice how much pain you are in? Or, are you just playing to see how far you can push them?

A few years ago I was struggling with bulimia. I was seeing a therapist in grad school and got up as our session was about to start and went to the bathroom to purge. I did not realize what I was doing at that time but I was playing him. Being provacative and trying to get a reaction. He knew what I had done b/c my face was flushed. Ok, unlike your case where your therapist might have grounds for a 72 hour hold it still was not a smart idea.

I think you really have to think through what you are doing. You could tell your therapist that you felt like cutting in front of them but doing it is another thing. Also, I know for me when I cut, I don't want anyone to see. There is a certain level of shame involved and I hate showing my scars.

Please think this through and really look at what the consequences of your actions could be.

can you see a dr and get somthing for the anxiety first? if you're anxiety levels were lower that may help?

Wanting to cut in front of your therapist is a sure way to get put into that 72 hour hold you talked about - it sounds like part of you wants this - do you feel that you are unsafe at the moment? is there someone IRL that you can call and talk to about this?

Try doing some relaxation things - look at the threads at the top of the page to read about how others cope (the stickies) I hope you can get some control over the urges and get some help - take care P7

no no no not for a reaction because it is just an urge, can't explain, lack of self control? i dunno. I'm not trying to to to play games. I am sick and and and don't understand. It doesn't matter cuz I don't have a therapist anyways. I'm just afraid of of of what I might do and and and what I am capable of doing. I cut to to to show that I am human even though I am more of spirit. I feel terrible for for for posting this now...

not not not feel safe and and and maybe i need serious help so so so i must show the the the mental health professional. i hate myself guys.

(((Sambakicks76))

Never feel bad for reaching out - thats a good thing

can you call someone ? or go to a Dr or an ER room for help?

please dont hurt yourself

As P7 says never feel bad for posting something. No one here is making you wrong for the way you are feeling but rather I think that as I get help from this site, I want to try to reach out to others.

It sounds like you do need some help which is not a bad thing. It's great that you are noticing it and realizing that you have urges. I have talked about cutting with my therapist and there was a session when I left in a really bad place and cut deeply enough that I needed stitches. He was called b/c the emergency room was legally bound to have me talk to a psych and speak with my therapist before they could decide if I could be safe at home, which he told them that I would be fine and they let me go. I didn't want or need a 72 hour hold I was just in a bad place.

I don't think you have to go to the extreme to cut in front of a therapist for them to understand. I agree with P7, I think most would put you under 72 hour hold. If that is what you want then go into an emergency room and let them know that you are feeling really out of control and are afraid you might hurt yourself and they'll keep you.

Yes, you need to find some help but I think in talking a therapist will understand how much pain you are in. You have to provoke them.

i emailed the the the crisis mental health center in my community hoping they they they will give me assistance...i told them about my my my urges and and and thoughts...will let you know what happens. thanks guys!!!

(((((((((((Samba)))))))))))
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