[misscath007]

I just wondered if anyone here was taking care of a elderly family member or spouse. I am a 54 year old woman who has bipolar and I am caring for my dad who has dementia. I do get some help from my sister and we have an aide coming in to help with bathing. I still have a ton of stress though.

Just wanted to ask if anyone is in a similar situation and could relate.

[IowaFarmGal]

Hello misscath! I had been in a similar situation the last few years. Mom passed last July from a brain bleed caused by blood thinners used to treat her heart attack. This has been a bad week. Her birthday was yesterday and Sunday is Mother's day. The last few years it's been extremely stressful, first with a fall, broken hip and a brain injury, then cancer and dementia. It had got to the point she couldn't be left alone and I was looking into ways of staying home with her when she had her heart attack and died.

[Little Lulu]

Former caregiver here - I cared for my father-in-law when he had dementia and my mother when she had terminal cancer. It is very stressful and tiring. I remember trying to carve out a little time each day to do something for me and that helped.

[winter4me]

Former caregiver too. I cared for my mom when she had dementia----it isn't until it is over that you realize just how stressful it is and how Much you have done! Do carve out a bit of time for yourself---not easy to do but necessary.
Is there an adult day care in your area? A good one can be a lifesaver.
(I had to continue working, and if it weren't for this resource I don't know what I would have done----I was even able to barter time worked there for time for my mom)

[lizardlady]

Misscath, while I didn't provide the day to day care for my Mom, I considered myself her caregiver the last year and a half of her life. She was physically in poor health and had dementia. There was no one to help look after her. I had to work full time. The doctor said there was no way she could be left home alone. We found a really nice assisted living facility for her to move into. Then, I really had to continue working full time. I could've put a kid through an Ivy League college for what the facility cost.

It was exhausting. I was working 10-12 hour days. Would go visit Mom two or three evenings per week and Sunday afternoons. With the health problems she had there were frequent doctor office visits, trips to the ER and hospital stays. There were nights I would sit by her bedside in the hospital doing paperwork from work while she slept. One of the worst days was the day I had to attend a legal hearing for work. I got a call that morning that something was wrong with Mom. Had her taken to the ER by ambulance. Sat with her in the ER for a few hours. Told an ER nurse that I absolutely had to leave. They were waiting for a bed to open to admit Mom. Drove to the hearing. Did my thing there. Drove back to the ER. Spent the night doing paperwork leaning against Mom's bed. They finally admitted her at 5AM the next day.

Sorry, kinda got wrapped up in my own stuff there. I believe you will find lots of us here (PC) have been through what you are going through. I don't know that that makes it any easier, but know we all care.

[misscath007]

Thank you for the replies. I go to a dementia support group which is helpful and I will be getting 6 hours of respite care through the VA. I make sure I get out for at least an hour each day. We have tried dad in daycare, and he complained about going.

Right now our biggest problem is him not letting the home health aides help him with bathing. He puts up a huge fight. I do need to go back to work at some point and when that happens he will either have to go to daycare or be placed into a facility. Frankly, I am just burnt out.

[JadeAmethyst]

Please find some time for your own self care.