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Default Feb 12, 2022 at 05:36 AM
  #1
Hi,

My parents are old but they disowned me. I wanted to see them again before it was too late to see them again. They don't want me to go home anymore. My mother told me she would help me then she turned her back on me. I feel let down. But, I will survive. I am looking for another job although I am disabled and old. I will keep looking for a job. I take my medication daily still so I feel stable somewhat mentally. But, emotionally I am a mess. I tried to talk with my parents but they ignore my calls or shout at me. So, I am resigned to staying here until I can't anymore. This is not my native country. I don't know what I'm going to do. But, I will do my best to survive. I don't know if other people have parents like mine, I doubt it. But, my parents let me go. I am old so should be able to take care of myself. But, it is hard to do everything on my own. Oh well, I have to do it though. They never wanted me to get disability so it was never an option. They were ashamed about it if I did. They never really wanted the best for me, I believe. They just worried about how others thought about them having a mentally ill child. I took their bait to come here and work. But, in reality, they just wanted to get rid of me. I feel sad and let down. But,
it is not the first time they let me down. I thought family was forever. But, I guess not.
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Default Feb 12, 2022 at 06:09 AM
  #2
Oh no I am so sorry. You posted that you are returning to the US and will be helping to care for your mom. They don’t want you to do that? Did they agree previously?

Could you stay with your brother?

So sorry
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Default Feb 12, 2022 at 06:20 AM
  #3
My brother lives with my parents. They don't want me to return anymore to the USA to them. So, I will stick it out here. I feel bad about them but they don't want me anymore. It is ok. I just need to work again. I quit my job since my mother said she would help me. But, I was stupid to believe her. I am doing everything on my own here and it is hard. But, I will look for another job again and do my best.
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Default Feb 12, 2022 at 07:32 AM
  #4
I can relate. My family has apparently disowned me. I did nothing wrong, I think they just decided that they didn't want to have to care for me in my old age so they should disown me now.
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Default Feb 13, 2022 at 01:50 AM
  #5
I'm so sorry parents have disowned you two. Could they be getting senile--or being influenced by someone else--like a relative?
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Default Feb 13, 2022 at 03:33 AM
  #6
I’m so sorry that your parents have disowned you.
Did something happen?
Or as @Travelinglady asked, could they have impaired cognitive function (dementia?) or personality changes?
Anyway, regardless I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.
I don’t have any experience with this so I don’t really have any advice, just warm wishes to you both, @bpforever1 and @NatalieJastrow
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Default Feb 13, 2022 at 06:23 AM
  #7
Thank you so much Traveling lady and Pinny for your thoughts and support! I really appreciate your kind words.

I gave up trying to understand what is going on with my family, including my brother. I really need to survive here on my own. So, this is a priority. I wish I could see my parents again but am not going to fixate on it anymore. I still love them but realize they have never been consistent with me in terms of being there when necessary. It is ok. I will survive.
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Default Feb 19, 2022 at 04:16 AM
  #8
I got an interview for next week. I am hoping for the best. I feel better but am stressed by my situation. Life continues and so must I. Thank you all for your support! It means a lot to me.
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Default Feb 19, 2022 at 04:17 PM
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You're welcome!
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Default Feb 23, 2022 at 12:51 AM
  #10
I got the job tentatively and still need to sign the contract!! Thank you everybody for your support and blessings. I am overwhelmed with emotions and really appreciate all of your kindness. I feel overjoyed and still, a bit stressed. I need to return to the clinic to talk to another manager. So, my day is not done yet. But, I am so happy!!
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Unhappy Feb 24, 2022 at 02:11 PM
  #11
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Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
Hi,

My parents are old but they disowned me. I wanted to see them again before it was too late to see them again. They don't want me to go home anymore. My mother told me she would help me then she turned her back on me. I feel let down. But, I will survive. I am looking for another job although I am disabled and old. I will keep looking for a job. I take my medication daily still so I feel stable somewhat mentally. But, emotionally I am a mess. I tried to talk with my parents but they ignore my calls or shout at me. So, I am resigned to staying here until I can't anymore. This is not my native country. I don't know what I'm going to do. But, I will do my best to survive. I don't know if other people have parents like mine, I doubt it. But, my parents let me go. I am old so should be able to take care of myself. But, it is hard to do everything on my own. Oh well, I have to do it though. They never wanted me to get disability so it was never an option. They were ashamed about it if I did. They never really wanted the best for me, I believe. They just worried about how others thought about them having a mentally ill child. I took their bait to come here and work. But, in reality, they just wanted to get rid of me. I feel sad and let down. But,
it is not the first time they let me down. I thought family was forever. But, I guess not.
Until I found this site, forum (also the Childhood Emotional Neglect forum) I thought it was just me. It isn't just you.

My parents are both gone but both have disowned me in a way while still alive: By not giving me a copy of their living trust or worse, even TELLING me that it exists! Of course my older brother had a copy. They acted like I was never born, as far as that goes, yet my name is on it. Because I can't afford a lawyer I can't sue my brother. I'd do it. "Family" or not, he threw me under the bus and so did my parents. Transactions went on behind my back that I didn't find out until they were both gone. They didn't think of me at all. In other words, they ignored the conditions of their own trust.

They gave him the upper hand from the get go, they clearly favored him.

I have to do everything alone too, no family or even neighbors to help. High turnover and unfriendly neighbors, even after COVID. Sub-standard friends, nobody to even check on me or an emergency contact.

Like you, my parents were always concerned with what PEOPLE would THINK, not what they think. So concerned about impressions and images they present.

In hindsight, I wonder if my parents had dementia at some point, but they were so tight lipped when it came to talking about anything uncomfortable, which is pretty much everything to them. No talks about death, their wishes, their medical conditions, nothing. Doctors ask me about family medical history and I don't know.

I feel really betrayed, I do. It's like they didn't think about how I might feel about certain actions, like picking my brother as their first choice on their power of attorney for medical decisions, while I was an "alternate". They never discussed it with me or asked if I was okay with it. Just did it.

They never even thought emotions were important. I was always invalidated, so as an adult I'm always looking for it.

It will take me years to heal from this. I always knew something was missing but until I found this site, I didn't know it was even "legit": Emotional Neglect. No emotional bonds or connections, with any relative. No open or honest communications, no listening to what works for ME or what I think.

They thought they knew best, that they were better than other parents, that they make no mistakes or bad judgements. They were wrong, but would never admit it if still alive today. Wouldn't even apologize.

Sorry to read your post, I feel I relate in a way.


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My parents disowned me- am on my own

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


My parents disowned me- am on my own

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Default Feb 25, 2022 at 07:26 AM
  #12
Everybody, please hang in there!! I really benefited from the support I have received here! I signed the contract and start tomorrow. I really look forward to working again. Yes, my parents disowned me but now I will be too busy. I don't even care about the way they treated me anymore. I'm off to an exciting job now. Well, I can thank my parents for giving me the opportunity to find a great job! Lol, sometimes, one's sorrow is another person's happiness. I almost let them bring me down to the ground but with all the support, I've rebounded beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you so much!! Cheers!
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Default Feb 26, 2022 at 01:58 AM
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Wonderful!
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Unhappy Feb 26, 2022 at 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
Everybody, please hang in there!! I really benefited from the support I have received here! I signed the contract and start tomorrow. I really look forward to working again. Yes, my parents disowned me but now I will be too busy. I don't even care about the way they treated me anymore. I'm off to an exciting job now. Well, I can thank my parents for giving me the opportunity to find a great job! Lol, sometimes, one's sorrow is another person's happiness. I almost let them bring me down to the ground but with all the support, I've rebounded beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you so much!! Cheers!
And here I was thinking I'd find support in this thread.....

Well I still care how wrongly they treated me and I'm not going to a new and exciting job like I wish, and it's not for lack of trying. I try so hard but it doesn't happen. And saying don't give up to myself for decades hasn't helped.

Wish I had all that support? Nobody else had dysfunctional upbringing??? My long post for nothing? And it took time and effort.

Now I'm not sure what to post anymore. Or where.

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My parents disowned me- am on my own

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


My parents disowned me- am on my own

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Default Feb 26, 2022 at 02:08 PM
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And here I was thinking I'd find support in this thread.....

Well I still care how wrongly they treated me and I'm not going to a new and exciting job like I wish, and it's not for lack of trying. I try so hard but it doesn't happen. And saying don't give up to myself for decades hasn't helped.

Wish I had all that support? Nobody else had dysfunctional upbringing??? My long post for nothing? And it took time and effort.

Now I'm not sure what to post anymore. Or where.
I think people on this thread are focused on providing support for OP because it’s her thread plus many followed her journey for years. I admit I didn’t read your post on this thread because I was following what’s happening with OP’s journey. Plus people don’t want to hijack threads by discussing other peoples’ stories.

May I recommend for you to start a new thread about your situation and I am sure you’d get support. I’d like to support you on your thread @nonightowl
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Default Mar 05, 2022 at 02:10 AM
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I just read the last posts. I think a number of us can relate to accounts of emotional neglect, parent favoritism, etc.
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Default Mar 05, 2022 at 05:51 AM
  #17
I have been disowned too

in my case, they'd just rather no child than a mentally ill one. I was abused by them a lot though before they abandoned me, so I'm not really that sad... I mean I am, but if I could choose between living alone or an abusive family- I'd pick living alone any day

they say they don't want to live with a mentally ill girl, but contribute to her mental health getting worse. shocking.
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