I Don't Like Being Old

I just turned 67. In thinking about that age, it doesn't seem possible I've made it this far.

I'm realizing that I don't like being old. I retired two-and-a-half years ago and it was a "forced" retirement. I could have gone on longer but things happened at where I worked that forced me to leave. I like being retired but I take in less money than when I was working. I don't miss my co-workers and the office politics.

What I don't like about being old is how things seem to go downhill. Especially socially as my family has depleted, I don't have good quality friends, and my neighbors are not friendly. My health and finances are fine, THANK GOODNESS!, but I worry that it can all decline.

Do anyone else, who are around my age, feel that way? It seems like at other sites in talking about being old, there are posters saying how wonderful it is being old and how it's the best time of their lives. Some would even say things like, "I work at two jobs, go to a gym, and I have a nice relationship with a much younger mate". I don't believe it.

I feel alright most times but there are times when I feel scared. I feel like being old is for the birds.

I’m 65. Because of financial reasons I had to move into a low income hi rise apartment. It turned out to be wonderful. I met a bunch of great people here. They are not deep friends. It’s still at the acquaintance level but I do a lot with them. I was going to a gym, mostly for aquatic stuff but sort of stopped since they changed the hours to very early morning. I also go to the senior center. But I do see people here that don’t circulate and stay in their apartment and isolate.

I would like to work but my back makes that impossible. I used to volunteer, most of my life I’ve volunteered but my back! But maybe a part time job or volunteering somewhere would help? A senior center? You sound isolated and lonely.

Don’t know what to tell you about lack of family. That’s hard. I just lost mum last year. But I have my sisters, daughter and her family and some cousins I keep in contact with, it helps. It does. The cousins I lost contact with but we grew up close, so it’s a case of getting to know each other again.

Don’t know if any of this rambling is helpful. But I hope so.

I'm 65 and have chronic pain in my knees, upper thighs, hips and back. I'm basically just waiting to "go home". I have one very close friend. I live in a nursing home and I still isolate. I never knew how to make friends. I'm not happy, I wish I still lived in my apartment, although living here is better for my mental health. I wish I could still ride my bike but this is a locked down home and I need permission to go anywhere with my friend.

I'm overwhelmed by my circumstances and I miss my freedom. I don't like getting old because of the pain and my circumstances. Hang in there, Will, there are a lot of lost older people and we all feel similarly to you.

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I can relate to you, too. Anglique, and of course to you, too, Will. I will be 69 later this month. Everything hurts and, of course, barring back surgery, every part of my body will continue to conk out. It's so true that aging is not "for sissies."

I take lots of meds and that affects my mental sharpness, as well as just getting older. My memory is poor.

I am envious of old people who are healthy and without pain. I do the best I can and try to enjoy what I can --having projects and ministries. I'm not ready die yet. I am working on a "bucket list" of finishing some books, traveling, and so on.

I am currently distressed because I am a shoe hound and as of the last few days, I can no longer wear most of my great shoes. My right-foot bunion is growing and my ankles are swelling more and more. Sigh. At least I am having fun buying new "wide" shoes! Let's seek fun where we can, seek positive experiences--if only through TV and books, etc. And come here to complain together and share the good. Thanks for your post, will.

Oh I hear you on the shoes! I was 50 when I had my back surgery and couldn’t wear my heels any more. Crocs and Birkenstock became my new best friends. Yes we can laugh together.

I'm putting this info here, since it relates to distressing things we are surprised about as we age:

14 Surprising Facts About Growing Older No One Ever Told You


Some of these changes are good! On the other hand, I didn't know I'd get floaters in my eyes. I was worried when that happened.

You KNOW I can relate, Will. Like you, no real family or friends and not even the neighbors are neighborly. I’m afraid I’m growing old in this apartment with nobody to even check on me. I asked a neighbor to do so and that was in July of last year. Not one call. I live alone and need to see my doctor about pain I’m having. And having to wait so long for an appointment.

I hope it doesn’t progress before then. It’s great some older people are having such fun, more power to them. But I don’t want them to patronize me and tell me to join clubs and get out and stay active. I’m doing the best I can yet nothing brings me any value. Been there, done that. I’m not the stereotypical senior with a pension, house, vacations, family, grandchildren and friends. REAL friends. I’m not old “enough” for most senior stuff and don’t feel my chronological age, most of the time. A senior center? I feel I don’t belong not just cause I don’t feel my age but I can’t relate to the people there. This stuff about family and trips and dinners out or whatnot is such a foreign concept now. I wonder if my life will continue this way in spite of my best effort to make it better.

So I’m running on empty, as it’s always me reaching out and making an effort with no reciprocation at all. I see a lot of posts from people about this here and other sites. It’s more common than I thought but still soul crushing.



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I only have my husband and my sister. And her husband died a year ago, My therapist said we need to move closer together. She and I have been thinking about that.

Do you get along well with your sister? How about your husband? Does he get along with her? Does your sister have children? Would your sister move in with you?

I don’t even have a husband and my so-called sibling threw me under the bus regarding the Trust from our parents. And hasn’t spoken to me in years and had his a$$hole lawyer write me threatening letters. I had to get my own lawyer and spend thousands on legal fees. So much for family.

If I recall correctly you also have two sons. I’m not implying everything is rosy but there’s people without half of what you have.

Good points to raise. Not everyone comes from a loving family.

And these days I’m not finding anything funny or humorous about growing older. My building has such a high turnover and I even have trouble with cigarette smoking like you do, along with the unfriendly people.

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I'm sorry, Will, that you feel so troubled, but I sure can identify with some of your big concerns. I'm a retired senior, and I'm pretty isolated. My income is much less now, but I have what I need in material things. I feel glad to have my apartment and my car and my pretty good health. But good health doesn't last forever. Lately, I worry what would happen if I had a stroke. What if I became mobility impaired? Even worse - what if I developed a real cognitive deficit? Both of those things happened to my boyfriend. I took complete care of him and made sure his every need was met. He is gone almost 4 years now. There is no one to do that for me. I have no children. My sisters are far, far away. They're nice enough, but time and distance has drastically changed my relationship with them. I don't hardly even know my nieces and nephews anymore. Friends I made along the way have scattered.

I'm even afraid to get a dog because I worry what would happen to a pet, if something happened to me. I'd be afraid to adopt an animal that might outlive me. A dog can live 15 years. There's no guarantee I'll last that long. So I go to the animal shelter website and look at photos of older dogs. But I'd have no backup, if I got sick and needed to be hospitalized.

My neighbor and I were friends. She passed away suddenly just before Christmas with no forewarning. Her apartment is still vacant. It saddens me to not hear her through the wall, as I used to.

Pains and aches are a nuisance. It's just harder to get things done. I used to be able to pick up a 40 pound bag of bird seed at the store. Now I have to ask for a stock boy to get it and then ask for another one to lift it into my car. Cold weather bothers me like it never did before. Last night I was driving and got lost in my own town, which made made me feel like I was losing my marbles. That happened twice in the past week. I don't see as well after dark.

We have multi-generational centers in my city with activities for all ages. I've checked two of them out, and they seem way better than the old-fashioned senior centers. So I want to sign up for some activities, but I keep putting off doing that. I used to have more confidence. Now I feel like I'm in some kind of general decline. Social phobia that I fought all my life has come back and seems out of control.

Of course five or ten years from now, we'll look back and wish we were the age we are now.

And Will, you once mentioned medical conditions in another thread and this is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night. What if something happens? I have no one to care or notice. How would I know if I’m having cognitive impairment? Diagnose myself?! I used to have an acquaintance who complained to me about her ills. Yet she has two daughters, lives with one and her son-in-law, a sister and a caregiver now. And had the nerve to tell me stuff like I “should” get a pet for company. Glad I don’t see her anymore. Never asked about me, just talked about herself.

I love dogs and cats and they make better companions than humans. No judgment or ghosting.

But I have no backup, no one to step in and care for my pet temporarily or permanently. I have a hard enough taking care of myself and who knows how long I can keep that up? I do all my chores, including taking my car for service or other tasks like that. But I have to pace myself now. I could never clean my whole apartment in 2 hours like you do! The bathroom alone takes that long, as I take breaks and need to let the cleaning solutions sit a few minutes.
And that’s all I could do in one day. Vacuuming, dusting, shopping, laundry, etc. Do it ALL.

It’s so bad I can’t even stand the smiling couples or families on commercials or the news. I fast forward or change the channel if I can. Those Medicare commercials are ubiquitous and always have a couple reviewing documents together, the man with his arm around her. It’s killing me. It sends the message that this is what your “Golden Years” are supposed to look like. Well not my years.

I sometimes wake up spooked, thinking I’m the only person in the building. I have to tell myself that I at least know one lady in the building. The only thing keeping me grounded, if that’s the word, is thinking of the posts I’ve seen on here and elsewhere. There’s many older people alone but we’re all scattered and isolated still. To add insult to injury, I’m getting bombarded with political calls. I know everyone gets them but that’s ALL I get. Just got one.

Really wish I knew you in real life as I’m sure we’d get along, being of the same personality type. Well we can support each other here. And I’m always willing to listen, in the forums or in a pm. You know I get it.

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I get along well with her--and my husband adores her. She doens't have any children.

Yes, I am blessed in many ways. My sis could move in with me, but my house is small. I think she prefers an assisted living place near me. Her health is not good, alas.

My sons don't pay much attention to my husband and me. We see them a few times each year.

I know some people basically have nobody. My point basically was, I think, that as we get older, more and more people die. I think of really old people who have obituaries saying they only have nieces and nephews. I won't even have those, if I live long enough. Getting old is not fun, that's for sure, I am trying to get out and make friends. Most all of my friends have died, too.

I wish I could help you, owl. Is there any rule about contacting members in real life?

Being old is a blessing from God many don't live to see that age be thankful and enjoy it

If any of you older ladies would like to be friends iam open to it I just turned 59 my husband is 60 all we basically have is each other and my parents in their 70s my husband recently lost his dad we don't have no friends we can actually call friends and 1 friendly neighbor iam afraid sometimes of how the future will be without people in our life I have tried to have women friends only to be let down life can be very lonely without people to connect with so I understand were all of you are coming from iam a tbi survivor severe head injury at age14 life has been very difficult as I've had a lot of teauma in life but God and my husband have gotton me this far ism thankful for them

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Here's a saying I came across, "No one wants to get old, but it beats the alternative."

I can't honestly say that thinking of that saying makes me feel any better about aging, but I'm sharing it anyway.

At the same time, I don't look back and think, "Gee, I'ld love to be 30 again." There's no year of my past life that I would particularly want to relive. Sure, it would be great to wake up in a youthful body, but only if I could retain my experienced mind. I really don't envy younger people. They have a lot of stress that I don't have.

I wasn’t going to post anymore but feel compelled. I’ve heard that saying and it rubs me the wrong way. It makes light of growing old and what’s wrong with the alternative which must mean death? I don’t have a death wish and haven’t been dead. But I highly doubt my hips would be in pain nor would I worry about what will become of me as I get older. In death the playing field is more level.

Young people are in a different world from the one I was in at their age. They have different stressors.

There’s no year I’d want to go back to, though 16 wasn’t so bad. I don’t wish I was 52 again either, as a post below mentioned. When I’m 72 I don’t believe I wish I was 62 again either.

I’ve said my piece now, unless something is mentioned that’s compelling me again.

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I froze my age at 39. So it won't happen to me. If I get really sick I'm thinking of getting my head frozen.

(((nonightowl)))

Pach! Good to “see” you again, I’ve missed you in the forums.

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