[sumthinsgottagive]

I'd like to know from anyone with sexual addiction and or cybersex addiction (if in a relationship) how aware were you/are you of how your actions effect your spouse or partner? Let's say, If she/he was hurting alone in the bedroom while you were in the office or the next room engaged in sexual activity on your computer or phone, were you aware of their feelings at that time? If so how did you handle it?

[Muckluck]

Originally Posted by sumthinsgottagive

I'd like to know from anyone with sexual addiction and or cybersex addiction (if in a relationship) how aware were you/are you of how your actions effect your spouse or partner? Let's say, If she/he was hurting alone in the bedroom while you were in the office or the next room engaged in sexual activity on your computer or phone, were you aware of their feelings at that time? If so how did you handle it?

Ask them. Talk to them. It does matter and if they love you they care. It has a tremendous impact on them.

[Liferuinedbysex]

Originally Posted by Muckluck

Ask them. Talk to them. It does matter and if they love you they care. It has a tremendous impact on them.

I can tell you that, while I won't go into why I am addicted, I have never been in the "next" room while my wife (a seasoned psych nurse) was hurting over my habits. She knows who, and what she married. Yet I believe that, she felt that, if I would just buck it up, and drop my baggage, and move on, I wouldn't have to carry it around. I could therefore move on, and ultimately do the right thing. I have done nothing but disappoint her for fifteen years, and have just recently been told that I am being divorced for texting someone in an inappropriate way, don't even know what she looks like, still it was wrong. I do admire, and yes love her, for her tenacity. Yes I am guilty as charged but, what I believe is the theory that the problem with addictions is that, if left untreated, they will only increase in intensity exponentially. I have needed help since I grew up in the orphanage. From there it only got worse. I think perhaps she is in denial while, I continue to quietly "CALL OUT" for help! She says it's my 'exuse' in being able to continually empower myself. Not so! I hate who and what I am! Who could possibly like the idea that, it's an accomplishment to destroy lives with this wretched addiction? She is an angel, one which, any (good) man would want to spend his life with. I know that! I get it! But I sincerely believe that, much like the recovering alcaholic who, gets a bottle of Jack Daniels waved in front of his nose, every time a woman walks by, I see it as another sexual fantasy! Moreover, I think I am looking for love and approval, and admiration as well. I know I need help desperately. She just thinks I'm looking for yet another encounter. Truth is I don't like being like this, but she almost condones it by ignoring it.

My point is: Does he know what he is doing to you, and does he care enough to get help? I am losing the one thing that God gave me. Yes, my wife, but more than that-ME! At some point it will HAVE to matter enough to him to get help. I suspect it won't be until he has lost everything? Including you? Find someone he trusts. Have them approach him, and ask HIM; Are you willing to sacrifice the one pleasure you feel makes you "Who You Are", in order to make yourself, and your life whole? Good luck kid. I want to be a better man, husband, father, person, and human being. But I have to lose enough to make it important enough to do that. I now know, I am at that doorway. Let's pray for eachother.

[evaone]

In some instances maybe. but you know addicts don't care about the feelings of others.they don't care if they cause you misery. but as a partner you will stay because your thinking that you have an obligation to make him/her changed.because in my own opinion they need a lot of understanding for their unusual behavior.