Masturbation is taking over my life.

I have come to believe that I have a sexual addiction. Mainly focusing on masturbation. I tend to watch porn and finger myself constantly. It is more of a compulsion and urgency than a " I am horny thing." I just got out of treatment for cutting and I am about to go to therapy soon. How should I go about all this?

Can you recall when you started doing it, and is there any occasion or situation after which you find yourself masturbating and watching porn more? When do you start daily? I think that awareness of what is "triggering" the habit, and realizing its nature will help you get to a place with controlling it... with time.

Whats hard with an addictions is that we are so USED to it... we usually don`t pay attention... to when we really start and stop...this is a part of life...this action - whatever it is. There many times needs to be an SOS in our life to show us "you are addicted! Snap out! STARTING NOW.

Good that you plan to go to therapy soon. Make sure to bring this issue if its taking over your life. Its getting harder to control with time.

It's good that you recognize that you have a problem, and you're right that it's likely that you're sexually compulsive and addicted. The way sex addiction is typically treated is through a 12-step model. You may benefit from going to an SAA meeting. I also recommend that you read "Ready To Heal" by Kelly McDaniel. Maybe down the road when you're ready, you may consider an in-patient treatment program specifically designed for female sex and love addiction.

Good luck in your recovery!

I agree that you definately should bring this up to your doctor and like lady said, ask yourself what triggers this? When did this addiction start? did anything traumatic or lifechanging happen around the time you started this? I hope you find the answers you are looking for. -HUGS-

It started after I was sexually abused by my boyfriend at the time and also after a few more break ups when things get tough I tend to do it more but now I have a severe bacterial vaginal infection so it forced me to stop

I had a guy friend with similar sexual problems in my group therapy back when he and I were in our early 30's. I understood it at the time to be an anxiety problem, compulsive masturbation. It releases tension physiologically!

http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resour...sturbation.php

I'm sorry you've had to suffer this abuse. Have you considered seeing a therapist who specializes in sexual complusivity/addiction and trauma? On the Psychology Today website you can view profiles of therapists in your zip code.

I am actually about to see a new therapist my depression seems to be making me less active in that way so it might be over.

Sorry for that. but don't get upset instead motivate yourself and look for a professional help. i hope it helps...God bless you!

For me it was about stress relief and social avoidance. And it caused a lot of problems.

For me it fluctuates with my moods. I'm bipolar so it happens more in manic episodes. Its usually out of stress or just plain boredom. I honestly didn't see the problem in it until i looked back and realzed that id bought a $100 phone just because i could download porn on it and had masturbated in public places several times.
I guess I'm in the same boat then, but i can't go to therapy for a number of reasons. Believe me id love to, and not just for this. So i guess to the OP, you're not alone.

Thank you all for the understanding,empathy,and support.

Hey there,

I am a sex addict and I go to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. SLAA and am helped tremendously by the meetings. I tried to make no pornography and no masturbation my bottom lines but couldn't stick with it. The problem was I would go without masturbating for a week and then do it. Having not done it for a week it would feel so much better thereby making me wait a week and then feel the heightened feelings. So I made it my bottom line to not do it compulsively. That means that once a day max.

I find that addictions are like the whack the mole game at chuck e cheese's. You whack one addiction down and then another pops up. For me I almost feeling that I need to just accept the least damaging addiction and fight the others. Who knows.

Love and hugs,
Tara

I know how that is (to LostMyFuture)

How are you now, LostInThought92?

I have the same issues that lostmyfuture mentioned.

Tension, stress, avoidance.

I am trying to let go of this and replace it with something healthy.

Like talking. Dancing. Music. Comedy.

We can do this.

We deserve much much better than to hurt ourselves.

Billi

You need to discover the reason for it becoming so compulsive. The few seconds of that pleasuring orgasm is a very high price to pay for the shame, guilt and loss of self esteem that goes with it. It needs to stop or it will only escalate and in its own secret way destroy your relationships with others. Is this the type of life you want? Search hard for the reasons behind the behavior. There is usually some abuse/neglect in your past. Have the courage to face it. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!

Tara 992,
You are so close to disccovering the wonderful you, but you need help in discovering who that person really is. Accepting masturbation as a lesser of two evils never got me anywhere. It only drove me deeper into it until I did not even love myself anymore. Love begins at home. It is not an easy addiction to overcome, but when you do overcome it you will realize how FREE you have become.

I've been through times when this was a huge problem, usually when I've been manic... like xadorningx above I realised there was a problem when it occured to me that I'd done it in public places, where I could have been caught. (Showers at the swimming pool, in a bookshop, in a carriage on a train.) Sometimes when it was really bad I'd not leave the house till I'd done it a few times, in fear of what might happen publically. (I was always afraid of just throwing myself at some stranger.) At one point it was averaging as a five a day habit, though some days were more and other days less. I used to get (as you can imagine) horrible cystitis, and the worst of it was that I'd carry on even in the bath while trying to pee the horrible burning out of me.

Sorry to be so graphic... I only intend to show that it's something that can get out of control, and can really be painful (literally) and deeply humiliating in our lives.

I remember how incredibly grateful I was when I was put on meds for depression, and the side effect was loss of libido. It must be fairly rare for someone to be grateful for that, but I was. I would have stayed on the med forever if it hadn't been for side effects. (It was prozac by the way.)

Anyway... it's now years later. I'm on meds which seem to have no effect on my libido. I get the urge on a semi regular basis, maybe once or twice a month. It's no longer a horrendous problem that eats up my days and leaves me with bladder infections. I suspect it could be cyclical in nature... but I do know that things can change.

So, if you're feeling horribly overwhelmed, or ashamed, or in physical pain, or whatever else it might be, try to think of it as nothing more than, say, cracking your knuckles or chewing your nails. It's a habit that you've got into. It's got more emotional baggage than other compulsions... but it's just a compulsion all the same. You can grow past it, and you almost certainly will. In the meantime, try to tell your doctor. I know it can be almost impossible to say it. Write it down, hand the note to your doctor, and cover your face while she reads it. Then she'll be able to help you with it.

Or alternatively, accept it's just a part of being an adult with compulsions, and expect that it will get better. Because it will.

How true this all is! I sincerely hope that others will sense the emotional agony you have been through with this problem. I came to grips with it when I finally said to a clergyperson, "I don't want this anymore, I really, really don't!" The burden was too heavy. For the past 9 months I have been free of the burden. So, I know it can be overcomed. It takes a strong will.

How true this all is! I sincerely hope that others will sense the emotional agony you have been through with this problem. I came to grips with it when I finally said to a clergyperson, "I don't want this anymore, I really, really don't!" The burden was too heavy. For the past 9 months I have been free of the burden. So, I know it can be overcomed. It takes a strong will.

I do the same thing and i really want to stop... i just went 2 weeks without doing it and i relapsed the other day.. im seeing about getting some software on my computer to block porn!

Try reading the book "My Beautiful Feeling" written by two therapists and a young girl with the same problems we all have. It is written in dialogue form as they share therapy through letters. It is a standby for me. I read it many years ago and have found out that it is still available through Amazon.com for under $10.00. Might be a good investment. It will surely give you some creative ways of evaluating your situation. Self-acceptance of the problem can be so self-limiting and very destructive to your self-esteem.

I am questioning why you cannot go to therapy? It can make all the difference in the world. If you cannot afford one, trust a stable friend that you can honestly confide in. I just did that last Sunday with some amazing results.

Going into therapy doesn't always mean seein a "therapist" per se. Currently, my mental health care has severely limited me in that area, so I talk frequently with a trusted clergyperson until I can regain my "talk-therapy" (cognitive behavorial) services. This kind of therapy always helped me in the past and reduced the number of medications and hospitalizations that were needed. Perhaps, I am more bias toward therapy because of the success it has brought me and by how much it is now hurting me without it. My efforts at maintaining my level of recovery has been severly jepordized!

Do not give up! Relapses happen because this type of behavior is so ingrained in us. It is bound to happen at times. The important thing is to forgive yourself and move on! I applaud you in your efforts to get rid of the porn. Porn just sinks you into this compulsive behavior all the more. Sex toys do the same thing. Get rid of it all! I relapsed the other day after 10 months of not doing "it". I could have despaired, but I prayed for a renewal of strength from the one person I know judges me rightly ... GOD!
I an renewed and moving on to wherever I am lead. I know everything will be ok even when it does not seem like it.