[female01]

I'm an ex, of an extremely messed up person. Mind you, when i met him.. he seemed relatively normal. Things were great. I loved him, and spent some amazing years with him. Life was good. Although, he did confess to a history of hookers and that he had regular sex with a "f===' buddy, he met online, before me. But at the time, i accepted that this happened before he even met me.

During our relationship, at the early stages he was patient with me. But eventually, he wanted sex more regularly. He loved me, and "enjoyed getting close to me." We were having sex at the time every day.

Later, after a week apart he cheated on me.
He narrowed it down to the fact that he realised that he had a problem. Still to this day, he doesn't understand why he did it. He hates himself for it, and labels it to be his biggest regret. He didn't have sex with her, but if given more time.. believes that it was a big possibility. He did however get sexual with her. He believes that he has a sexual addiction.

I've left him, but still consider myself to be a close friend.

So this is where the big bombshell takes place.

He tells me that he has done some horrible things in his life. He wants to see a counsellor and correct his problems. He is overcome with self disgust and was speaking very suicidally tonight, while we chatted. He told me everything about his history.
I don't know what to think, but he almost threw up in saying these things. He wants help.

Firstly the pornographic issue.
Beginning at a young age, his older brother would put on movies flooded with sex scenes.
At that same young age, he found his dads pornographic magazines.
At an age of 8 or younger, his male friend and him would read these magazines. They would then play the game of truth and dare, which started off as streaking. Which then progressed into touching, and mutual masterbation of each other. At that young age, he was introduced to oral with this friend. He believes that he hated it, and at the time didn't realise that what he was doing was wrong.

When he had some idea that what he was doing wasn't normal, he stopped.He said that his friend seemed dissapointed.
When he stopped, he wanted a substitute. The magazines weren't cutting it for him. He had cravings and wanted something more. He then dabbled in bestiality. He justified it, with the fact that his dog was female. He explained that he was young, and doesn't know why he did it. He had some idea of what he was doing was wrong... but, didn't know how wrong exactly. He just wanted to get off. basically.

Mind you, as he was telling me, he was so full of self disgust. He kept repeating.. "it's wrong" over and over.

He didn't litereally "f***" the animal. But he did allow the dog to get him off orally. And would lay her down and rub himself on her. This happened until the age of 13? He can't remember. Maybe older or less?

He is a christian, so alot of what he was doing was conflicting his beliefs.

He stopped when he got a girlfriend. At age 15, or so. He was still a virgin, but they performed oral acts on each other and other.

(at this point, his female dog had died)When that ended, he allowed his male dog to "stick it in him." (i don't understand either)
It only lated a few seconsd. But this was the moment that he realised that he was not gay. He also explained the amount of disgust in this. He explains that this was the moment that he stopped bestiality altogether.

Later in his life, he turned to drugs and was raped by a guy after getting high. He has a severe hate to "gays" because of this. And quit drugs altogether.

This conversation happened tonight. You can just imagine my shock. I tried to keep my disgust to myself, because he was talking about ending his life. I would never want that to happen to a person. He wants to get help. He hates himself and i asked him to please, allow me to provide him help.

His first girlfriend (the one he lost his virginity to) ended the relationship, after she learnt that he watched porn. She believed that was just as bad as cheating.

After that breakup, the porn progressed. He became obsessed. He enjoys watching bondage. He hates himself for just how bad the porn has progressed. He feels that it eats his life up. He hates himself, and blames this for the fact that he cheated.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to suggest?
Will a counsellor help?
Or will he need to seek serious treatment, and by who?
I don't know what he can do to help himself.
Will hypnotherapy work?"
Will anything?

Please give me some imput!
I'm worried he will kill himself. He speaks openly of doing it. He is humiliated by what he has shared to me, and i have sworn to not tell anyone that know's him personally. He needs help. And i'm personally so grossed out by this. But i was relatively calm when he told me. I know that my words are stronmg enough to cause him to hurt himself. (he has tried in the past

[WePow]

First of all, your willingness to listen to him with an open heart - without judgement - is what he needs most of all. It sounds as though you are trying to do just that.
What is in the past, is just that. Mistakes are made for many reasons.
Most people don't know a fraction of the secrets a mate keeps... because too many people know that a partner may leave them after they expose those details.

Every day is brand new. If he is able to stay healthy and clean today, that is all that matters. And the fact that he is willing to be so honest about his past shows very strong character.

[sumthinsgottagive]

I would say yes, he sounds like someone suffering a sex addiction. I think if he is talking suicide, he probably needs immediate emergency intervention, like an emergency room. They have mental health units at most hospitals and they will admit him on the spot and help him until they feel he is no longer a threat to himself and then release him with referrals to therapists and specialists and at the least some coping skills he can use until he finds a program. It sounds like he really trusts you, I think if you tell him you will support him and visit him while he is there, he would agree to go. (my guess they might keep him a week or two but he would be free to check himself out any time after 72 hours) Please please please always remember that for a sex addict Disclosure is extremely difficult sometimes too difficult and it took a lot of courage for him to admit those things. How you handle things will have a profound impact on the rest of his life and it sounds like you're handling this extremely well by not judging him or making him feel ashamed for that u should be commended. I hope this helps, be careful and don't forget to take care of your feelings through all this either.

[protector1973]

he was abused, behaviour was understandble, now he has to deal with his past before he can move on. lets hope gets help he needs.

[madisgram]

i totally agree with "sumthin's" post. he needs professional help like she suggested.
you are a wonderful friend. i hope he takes the next step and get help.

[StrawberryFieldsss]

Originally Posted by female01

I'm an ex, of an extremely messed up person. Mind you, when i met him.. he seemed relatively normal. Things were great. I loved him, and spent some amazing years with him. Life was good. Although, he did confess to a history of hookers and that he had regular sex with a "f===' buddy, he met online, before me. But at the time, i accepted that this happened before he even met me.

During our relationship, at the early stages he was patient with me. But eventually, he wanted sex more regularly. He loved me, and "enjoyed getting close to me." We were having sex at the time every day.

Later, after a week apart he cheated on me.
He narrowed it down to the fact that he realised that he had a problem. Still to this day, he doesn't understand why he did it. He hates himself for it, and labels it to be his biggest regret. He didn't have sex with her, but if given more time.. believes that it was a big possibility. He did however get sexual with her. He believes that he has a sexual addiction.

I've left him, but still consider myself to be a close friend.

So this is where the big bombshell takes place.

He tells me that he has done some horrible things in his life. He wants to see a counsellor and correct his problems. He is overcome with self disgust and was speaking very suicidally tonight, while we chatted. He told me everything about his history.
I don't know what to think, but he almost threw up in saying these things. He wants help.

Firstly the pornographic issue.
Beginning at a young age, his older brother would put on movies flooded with sex scenes.
At that same young age, he found his dads pornographic magazines.
At an age of 8 or younger, his male friend and him would read these magazines. They would then play the game of truth and dare, which started off as streaking. Which then progressed into touching, and mutual masterbation of each other. At that young age, he was introduced to oral with this friend. He believes that he hated it, and at the time didn't realise that what he was doing was wrong.

When he had some idea that what he was doing wasn't normal, he stopped.He said that his friend seemed dissapointed.
When he stopped, he wanted a substitute. The magazines weren't cutting it for him. He had cravings and wanted something more. He then dabbled in bestiality. He justified it, with the fact that his dog was female. He explained that he was young, and doesn't know why he did it. He had some idea of what he was doing was wrong... but, didn't know how wrong exactly. He just wanted to get off. basically.

Mind you, as he was telling me, he was so full of self disgust. He kept repeating.. "it's wrong" over and over.

He didn't litereally "f***" the animal. But he did allow the dog to get him off orally. And would lay her down and rub himself on her. This happened until the age of 13? He can't remember. Maybe older or less?

He is a christian, so alot of what he was doing was conflicting his beliefs.

He stopped when he got a girlfriend. At age 15, or so. He was still a virgin, but they performed oral acts on each other and other.

(at this point, his female dog had died)When that ended, he allowed his male dog to "stick it in him." (i don't understand either)
It only lated a few seconsd. But this was the moment that he realised that he was not gay. He also explained the amount of disgust in this. He explains that this was the moment that he stopped bestiality altogether.

Later in his life, he turned to drugs and was raped by a guy after getting high. He has a severe hate to "gays" because of this. And quit drugs altogether.

This conversation happened tonight. You can just imagine my shock. I tried to keep my disgust to myself, because he was talking about ending his life. I would never want that to happen to a person. He wants to get help. He hates himself and i asked him to please, allow me to provide him help.

His first girlfriend (the one he lost his virginity to) ended the relationship, after she learnt that he watched porn. She believed that was just as bad as cheating.

After that breakup, the porn progressed. He became obsessed. He enjoys watching bondage. He hates himself for just how bad the porn has progressed. He feels that it eats his life up. He hates himself, and blames this for the fact that he cheated.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to suggest?
Will a counsellor help?
Or will he need to seek serious treatment, and by who?
I don't know what he can do to help himself.
Will hypnotherapy work?"
Will anything?

Please give me some imput!
I'm worried he will kill himself. He speaks openly of doing it. He is humiliated by what he has shared to me, and i have sworn to not tell anyone that know's him personally. He needs help. And i'm personally so grossed out by this. But i was relatively calm when he told me. I know that my words are stronmg enough to cause him to hurt himself. (he has tried in the past

Oh my goodness.

I dont think mutual masturbation at the age of EIGHT is "abnormal". Most children go through a stage of sexual exploration like this. Not sure about the oral, but the touching and masturbating is NOT anything to be ashamed of!

And porn. Thats a very controversial subject, not because its so sinful and horrible and disgusting.. thats another debate. But seriously, porn is different things to different people (men and women, actually)

I personally dont "get" porn. It doesnt do anything for me. But I certainly would not call someone mentally ill or suggest that what they are doing is disgusting because I dont do it or get it.

I feel sorry for him for having so much self-loathing. There may be other issues behind the scenes for him, but yeah, I dont get the feelign that he is some horrifically damaged human being!

[aoo1]

As for the bestiality... I can tell you the psychology. What goes is when a guy is left by the girl, he wants to get bad, but certainly not hurt anyone. This is what leads to such deviations. In college years I have seen many boys turn to 'deviant' pron for sometime, as well as quit watching porn altogeter at some point. So its all relative and nothing criminal about it.

The fact that he was able to admit all of it, there is a lot of hope that he can 'heal'.

I feel a mix when reading,whatever you do,don't have children with him,under any circumstance.You would def live to regret it.I would feel empathetic for him.I just think this could end up being a very expensive emotional investment.